Amanda Wenger

i'm a catch and i like a challenge. i'm a future trophy wife. i'll prolly be a badass forever.

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

“I can only imagine it looks like someone dropped an apple pie down there.”

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

Thanks Disney+ for reminding me how absolutely FINE Orlando Bloom was in POTC. #middleschoolcelebritycrush

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

This margarita flavoring is hitting me really aggressively in the throat bone.

[Adam McCalvy @AdamMcCalvy]

Prince Fielder is 35 today. I dare you to name someone who played the game harder.

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

@FroJoe460 You forgot “- no one ever”

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

You ever tell someone you’re tired and immediately it becomes a discussion of why they’re more entitled to be tired? Like, I’m not trying to fight with you right now. I’m not competing. I’m tired. BYEEE

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

@FroJoe460 Well find me an elephant and call me Jessica because I just found my plans 👏 for 👏 the 👏 summer 👏👏.

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

Shiiiiiiiiiddd. 🤣

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

I run interference.

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

Maybe I’m the worst person.

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

#ThisIsMyCrew

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

Me: babe, look at my new muscles!
Him: 🙈

Two minutes later

Me: ugh, I ate so much my stomach is so full. Look at my belly.
Him: 😳

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

@BobbyLucia Some of y’all have never worked in retail where people insist on trying on socks and it shows. 🤪😜

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

@Funkjomamma

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

My FB newsfeed is filled with the small town moms of my hometown bragging that 1- they kept their children home to avoid risk of snowy conditions on the road or 2- they made their kids go to school it’s not that bad, suck it up. All clearly deserve awards. 🙄🙄#thisiswhyitweet

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

Could Tamal from Great British Bake Off like, narrate an audio book that I could listen to or something? It’s seriously like, calming to me.

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

Do you ever feel like if you went a day without talking, all that would happen is that people would be grateful for the silence?

[Amanda Wenger @chickenwenger]

Unpopular opinion: If every status you make is about moving on and learning from past mistakes and finally putting yourself first- I almost guarantee that you haven’t moved on or learned from past mistakes or gotten close to the brink of putting yourself first. 🤷‍♀️