Jessica Daniels

Daily wordsmith. Relentless reader. Overthinker. Intermittent cynic. Habitual napper. Freelance writer. Opinionated.

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

https://t.co/Taobo2Tm4e I guess 🙃

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@tvjedi You look younger

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

Dudes. Chicks have to change tampons every 3-4 hours, not just wear one per day. Average 5 tampons per day, so a box of 35 every month. Only you don’t use 35 identical tampons. You need different absorbencies. Light. Regular. Super. 3 boxes. Say $30/month for 40 years. $14,400

[⚡︎ @_sorrengailll]

Ah, another man confidently explaining a body he doesn't own.

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@_sorrengailll What about once a month leads him to conclude 9 periods per year???

[Tim McMillan @LtTimMcMillan]

Uh oh… we might have a new contender for best 4th of July fireworks video.

[Esh @Eshaal0kk]

You really are a monster bro i hope she leaves you

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@fiercepatricks They literally spend all their time at the gym

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@AmazesMix Cristiano Ronaldo raped a woman.

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@skyesmithdotjpg @LizzyLaurie @united Literally just listened to a conversation at the hair salon Tuesday about how awful United is in general. Awful service, terrible amenities, etc.

[🎩Laird of the Manor🎩 @LairdOfThManor]

A small public service announcement from the Department of Things That You Should Know…

It has not “peeked” your interest.
Nor has it “peaked” your interest.

…It has piqued your interest.

You are not “phased” by something.
You are fazed by it.

If you’ve had a long day, you are weary.
If you suspect someone is an idiot, you are wary.

It is “due course”, not “do course”.
“Per se”, not “per say”.

And while we’re here, it’s “could have”, not “could of”, but that particular battle may already be lost.

Thank you for your attention during this brief outbreak of grammatical housekeeping.

This has been a @LairdofthManor announcement.🎩💙

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

Would it seriously kill you to lose all authority over your own body? What’s so bad about giving up your freedom to say no to something you don’t want? God, would it really be so bad to never make yourself a priority? 🙄

[Shrimp Trillionaire @fentanylbrownie]

I don’t need to get into it as many married men have their own personal minefields to navigate in this regard but the only real response to these legitimately insane ideas is “Would it seriously kill you to just lie back and spread your legs for 10 minutes 2-3 times per week?”

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

So he’s saying “beta males” can get chicks and have more taste/culture/money than whatever the fuck he is?

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@verbaluced @elijahwood @alamodrafthouse Fun fact, and this is true, different people like different things.

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@ThatBootlegGuy Moving there I stg

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

This checks out...

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

Evergreen answer

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@ThatBootlegGuy ESPECIALLY for my Lyft and Uber drivers. 🙄

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@ThatBootlegGuy You know those people who leave hateful notes for their waitress instead of tips? I have fantasies about leaving a great tip (you won’t find me giving < 20%) along with a note that they should not consider it a reflection of their performance and maybe seek a new line of work.

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Marty. He played the role of Bruiser in a college production of "Legally Blonde" and nailed every line. Was confused when people were impressed though. What, like it's hard? 14/10

[Jessica Daniels @chicksafire]

@RatuMofokeng @NasheCeezet_zw The fuck? Not at all forgivable.