United States Vampire Service

I kill vampires (no shit) and write books about it. Check out my first and tell me you wouldn't want to do the same! It's less than a buck!

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

Tis the season! https://t.co/fcwzgZhVkY

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

Nice to see this military organization added us to their visitors' patch wall.

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

People have told me where to shove my books before, but nobody's ever paired one of my books with a beer. How cool is this? https://t.co/6vEaI16zcq

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

Hey @Nationals that @Max_Scherzer poster is freaking fantastic!

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@GovJVentura @Brigida__Santos It's not free as long as we're paying taxes.

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@philthatremains I mean, if you want some expert advice on VD I'd imagine Piven's asking price isn't so outrageous.

[Anson (Guy) Smith @MuzzyFreeDive]

So the government has banned the parade that celebrates our independence from an oppressive government.

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@thejoshstrig @alllibertynews @GovJVentura @Brigida__Santos Ahahaha!

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

Does it bother anyone else that @RandPaul has no problem spending money on his #MikeBradyPerm but he won't fund the healthcare of dying #911 #FirstResponders ? #911health @FDNY

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@Doctrine_Man Senator @RandPaul is a donkey. He and his #MikeBradyPerm need to serious rethink some life decisions.

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@TMZ Ha! So if a racist uses it, it's now a racist symbol? What happens if KKK klansmen start wearing MLK t-shirts?!

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@USATODAY What are we now supposed to call ladybugs? What about the ladies room?

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

#Hollywood gets the #Boston accent wrong. The people of #Quincy show how it's done properly. https://t.co/jFbuZJJFQi

[Kevin Glennon @kevinglennon]

I'm honestly trying to lose weight, but when you visit a place like @moonshine152 in Boston, and they serve stuffing bites wrapped in bacon, glazed in what I can only guess is ambrosia?! It ain't happening. Thank you Chef @AsiaBMei ! You are *insanely* talented!!

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@ABC This is so cute! But pugs are disposable pets, like goldfish and hamsters.

[United States Vampire Service @chiefoconnor]

@TMZ I dare you, just one day @tmz, to skip a #Kardashian tweet, and post just one about a veteran-owned business like @WarfighterCo . Hell, I dare @KimKardashian @kanyewest @KendallJenner or any of the other family members to do it before you do.