chik0rit4

A normie who works multiple jobs to get by. I enjoy buddha statues, earnestness and sometimes books.

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

If I can actually make it to Alaska this September, people should turn this into a bet: me befriending Robert Sapolsky within the next 2 years.

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

I was mad at first but it’s alright now. I wished him well

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

My latest ex of 7 years was actually my best friend of 12 years. He dumped me stating that it was mainly cause he couldn’t feel emotionally connected with me (hence ‘irreconcilable differences’)

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

I asked him about it and he was like, how did you know, and i was like, i was showering and i just realized!
But given the friend’s personality, i can actually understand what he meant. Later it changed my perspective of what attraction really is and all in a good way

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

on the contrary my therapist said that it was likely because both of us wasn't really communicating clearly and just were both good at holding back. she said it was a shame that we missed each other, and it was a lesson to be learned from

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

because i went to the same school with a lot of elitist kids (it was just a very good school, and back then there weren't any private schools)... i had this secret childhood sweetheart crush situation that lasted for 6 years, from 3rd grade until highschool

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

my childhood sweetheart eventually became an heir to one of the biggest automotive companies in our country. and everyone was saying that it was because of my background and artistic personality he made a rather political decision (of not to)

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

one friend would say i should give up on studying as it doesn't sound like an option. other would say i can do it on my own, praising my resourcefulness. that all being said, i think im still on a lucky side. whatever i really want to do i was still able to do it always

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

the other day she told me that AI will eventually eliminate creative job so I should be well-prepared, and show me that she was experimenting with chatGPT to create poems

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

My poor 97 yo grandmother has been through 2 wars, was super high-brow, well-versed in political ideologies. she was one of the first wave intellectuals to led the revolution, taking inspiration from the french themselves

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

At this point she's reading news on facebook everyday, dissing trump, and balancing her worry for her ukrainian nephew fatality with her daily blood pressure monitoring. I really wonder what it feels like

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

same guy who's now deep in scam center also went to the same psych ward with my brother to get away with murder

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

speaking of career. there's this ironic ongoing situation around me
so the thing with my country is that because of the geopolitics and war history, i'm ~surrounded~ by

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

– math geniuses/boomer family members who built a whole local empire by a political monopolized trade deal with USSR
– a peer who is working at a high level for international scam center
– another family member who was trafficked to China and got back because they're infertile

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

Another thing I'd be appreciate of my current situation would be that i'm pretty grounded and being able to focus on what i really like to do. i couldn't care less about career and social status

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

My friends were like consdering masters around the Slade, UAL, Havard and all – like, which one is more prestigious, smarter choice, which one could help further their career etc. And im sitting there struggling to make ends meet and didn’t even have the chance to attend college

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

and i'm sick of leeching curriculums off people, bothering them with my endless questions. i've been self-taught most of my life and it's really futile to some extent, lacking academic peers and guidance

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

I think people dread witnessing the softer side of things, in general. It pulls out the similar feelings within themselves, and it’s hard to handle or reconcile

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

Today i had a sudden breakdown during a flight. It was an unbearable wave of love and sorrow i have for my poor brother that completely overthrew me, making me wanna puke.

[chik0rit4 @chik0rit4]

Sometimes, people around me just forget that i really love my brother – how can i not? They’d focus on fixing things or protecting me, i’m always grateful for that, but it’d goes to the point where theres no space left for my vulnerable feelings, which is quite suffocating