@hat0_nine irl it's just awkward for me and I unintentionally turn out to be rude when i try to joke around.. I feel like I should just stfu but then too people assume I'm shy and shit so I just don't care anymore (idk what I said)
I'm never at peace even when I'm out or at home there's this constant thought that stays in my mind that at any time any fight may break out at home and everything will just collapse for me
the way I just start hating my entire existence even when I'm just slightly anxious and my heart races a little over the tiniest issues that probably wouldn't even exist in the next hour or day as it makes me feel like I'm gonna go back to being the way I was few years ago
being excluded has always been the Worst trigger for me it makes me feel like the most unwanted disgusting pitiful creature ever and i revert back to being that little kid sitting alone at lunch while everyone laughs and makes plans without me