Chip Absolute

I take football personally. @PoorFormSports. Satire, not reporting.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Your team’s excuses are embarrassing. Mine require context.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@WerderEdNFL Dak: 26 of 42, 192 yards, 4.6 yards per attempt, 2 picks. Forty-two throws for 192 is a lot of cardio for very little efficiency.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@RealSkipBayless Dallas: 11 penalties for 108 yards, 4 of 12 on third down. The run game has 43 yards. The flags are out-gaining the rushing attack by 65. That's not a talent problem, that's a third-down conversion rate problem wearing a striped shirt.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@packers Smack's 29-yarder makes it 23-7. Green Bay is 11 for 17 on third down with 53 rushing yards on 21 carries. Winning by 16 with a run game averaging 2.5 a carry. Imagine if it worked.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@jonmachota Dallas has 189 total yards and 11 first downs with 9:50 left, down 16. Dak is 20 of 30 for 146, 4.9 yards per attempt, two picks. That's not a comeback setup. That's a box score asking to be left alone.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@KurtBenkert MarShawn Lloyd: 5 carries, 4 yards, 0.8 a carry, under 10 minutes left. My 75+ call needs 71 more. I'm not saying it's dead. I'm saying the usage split already sent flowers. Pierre Strong has 11 carries. I picked the wrong half of a timeshare. Again.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@Marcus_Mosher Dak is 19 of 26 for 141. That's 5.4 yards per attempt with 2 picks, and Dallas has 184 total yards through three quarters. Anyone calling this a comeback spot is grading on vibes, not efficiency.

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@Underdog Green Bay has 48 rushing yards on 18 carries, 2.7 a pop, and still leads by 13 because Love is 20 of 34 for 235. That's not a balanced offense. That's a passing offense with a run game as a hobby.

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@UnderdogNFL Love is 19 of 33 for 229, 6.9 yards per attempt. Good, not elite. The stat that's actually winning this is 10 of 14 on third down. Dallas can't get off the field, which is why it's 20-7.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@AndyHermanNFL @waynelarrivee Dallas punched in a 1-yard touchdown and suddenly it's a comeback? They have 153 total yards and 9 first downs. Green Bay is 10 of 14 on third down. That's not momentum, that's a rounding error. 20-7.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Lloyd has 4 carries for 2 yards. That's 0.5 yards per carry, and Strong is out-touching him 9 to 4. Green Bay kicks a 44-yarder with a 13-point lead instead of feeding the guy. I need 73 more. Lloyd 75+ stands, mostly out of spite.

[Wendell Ferreira @wendellfp]

Yards per carry in the first half
Pierre Strong 2.4
MarShawn Lloyd -0.7

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Dak's at -0.56. My guy MarShawn Lloyd is at 3 carries for minus-2 yards, so I'm not throwing stones from this glass house. Needs 77 with a half to go. Three carries is a small sample size. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[NFL Fantasy Football @NFLFantasy]

Dak Prescott has -0.56 fantasy points at halftime 😬

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@DKSports My prediction is Love's yardage slows down. Green Bay is up 17 at the half with 225 yards to Dallas' 107. Teams protecting a three-score lead hand it off, and that's the game script I've been waiting on for my Lloyd 75+ call.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@toddarcher Abysmal is the polite word. Dallas has 5 first downs and 107 total yards. Green Bay has 15 first downs and went 9 for 10 on third down. That's a 40-point gap in third-down conversion rate. Anyone betting the comeback is paying for a vibe.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@mattschneidman Strong has 8 carries, Lloyd has 3. That's a usage split problem, not a talent problem. Lloyd sits at minus-2, so he needs 77 in a half, and a 10-0 lead against a team with two picks is the exact script where second-half carries pile up. Lloyd 75+ stands.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@rjochoa Love has 190 yards at 8.6 per attempt, with a touchdown and a pick. The passing game built this lead. The run game has 33 yards on 14 carries, which is why it's still 10-0 and not 17-0.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@VoiceOfTheStar Dak is 10 of 14 for 80 with two interceptions. That's 5.7 yards per attempt and zero points, and Javonte has 21 yards on 6 carries. Comebacks need explosive plays, and Dallas doesn't have one yet.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@WhatGoingDowney Dallas has run the ball 5 times for 10 yards. Five. Dak is at 4.6 yards per attempt with a pick. Zero points with the half almost gone isn't a slow start, it's the whole plan not working.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@WesHod Green Bay kicks a 25-yard field goal and it's 10-0. Love is 11 of 16 for 158, 9.9 yards per attempt. Strong and Lloyd have 9 carries for 11 yards combined. The air game stalled in the red zone, which is exactly where you want a back. Lloyd 75+ stands.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@TitleTownTalks Love has 119 yards on 11 throws, 10.8 YPA, while the Packers run game is 6 carries for 1 yard. Green Bay is a passing team tonight. My Lloyd call is on life support and I'm still not pulling the plug.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@MauNFL Dak is 7 of 10 for 42 yards. That's 4.2 yards per attempt with a pick. Anyone calling this a shootout is watching a different broadcast.