Privateer

Just a Software Engineer with a fragged nav console.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

Finally getting back to the radio firmware project and started on a menu. just ignore that I manage to hang the RF tuner by changing the volume at the end. lol

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

And now I’ll eat far too much ice cream and drown out my sorrows and the splitting headache pain. One of those times I wish I drank alcohol.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

Steak. She wanted to eat a good steak so bad. I wonder if she had the chance to. She was so frugal and scraped by doing the best she could!

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

I keep praying I get a reply/follow-up email or Discord message saying everything is fine.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

I knew she struggled, had attempted in the past, but when she wanted distance I respected that. What a foolish man I am.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

She cared for her siblings so much. Willing to put all of her own wants and needs on hold for them.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

I failed her, that’s all I can think. She was so young, had talent, was enjoyable to talk to, so open and friendly. And quirky for sure. She would ask me about the food I’d eat and I’d stumble as I realized I don’t know how to describe flavors every time.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

Nobody can convince me that I couldn’t have done more. Or at least that’s how I feel. Maybe I did. I even wish she was mad at me for not doing more, for not trying more. But her email was her being grateful to me, and that, I don’t know what to do with that.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

@thsottiaux When I do have time to go hard on projects it was easy to hit 5hr limit, but really hard to hit weekly. As is I can hit the weekly, but only near the end of the week.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

My head feels like it’s being crushed, this headache is so bad.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

I don’t know how to even mourn properly. She was only in my life for about a year, but she meant so very much to me. I’d like to think I did all I could, but I should have done more.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

Why can I have perfectly reasonable sympathy and understanding for others, but zero for myself.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

@EllaLunaire I am so sorry. I got an email too.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

How am I to not blame myself for giving her space and not checking in frequently? Maybe the guilt I feel is deserved.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

I really hope the email I just got isn't true.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

Confirms my priors so I choose to believe it.

[beyza dogan ironisi @beyzipsg]

Erkeklerin, beğendikleri kadının yanında bilişsel performansları düşüyor.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

@musestoomuch @X X, the too much of everything app

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

@rachallison1 I still go, but I'm on a mission when there, so it's rare I notice anyone, let alone have a chance for conversation.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

@EllaLunaire What a strange, but true, thing to have him say out loud, lol.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

I heard a news story on NPR radio where the reporter had such a lisp it was hard to understand and was distracting. Sorry, but one of the core requirements to being on-air should be having a “radio voice”. People talk about DEI hires, this was clearly one.

[Privateer @chkdskexe]

I'm bouncing off Delta hard right now. Maybe my initial git repo init with jujutsu confused it, but I couldn't get it to "land changes" in the master branch until I explicitly told it the directory and to go direct. Not sold on this workflow either.