there’s no award for being the one who cared the most. no one claps when you stay loyal to someone who didn’t. no one hands you closure. it’s just you, sitting with the fact that you loved louder than they ever planned to.
i wonder how beautiful life must be when you don’t have trust issues, depression, mood swings, overthinking, paranoia, anxiety, detachment, isolation or fear.
the scariest part of healing is realizing how much of yourself you lost in the process of loving them. you don’t just miss them, you miss the version of you that laughed louder, cared softer, believed in forever. you’re grieving a person and a past self at the same time.
detachment isn’t a clean break. it’s sitting in your room, realizing you deleted their number but still remember it by heart. it’s knowing they’re not coming back, but your body still flinches at every notification. healing feels like betrayal when your heart still waits.