“Goodbye,” he whispers, the stag disappearing into a puff of white mist.
It’ll be easier, if James just thinks he’s changed his mind.
If he doesn’t know.
The truth would only make him do something stupid.
“Oh no, wouldn’t want to get in trouble. Spoil that spotless record,” James purposefully raises his voice to a near shout. “It would be terrible if someone were to look out here and see two STUDENTS OUT OF BED.”
“...but Remus loves you. He loves all of you.”
My dad loves me, Sirius almost says. He’s glad he doesn’t. Not sure he could explain to her what he means. Not sure he could explain how little being loved really matters in the end.
He isn’t loud and out of control like James and Sirius, but he’s…strong. When Remus John Lupin puts his foot down there is no negotiating. No changing his mind. He’s like a fucking mountain—commanding authority and respect in a way that James and Sirius never could.
He stands for a long time just inside the door, staring out at the place he’s made his home. Different in every way to Grimmauld. And in every corner, of every room, he sees pieces of Remus. His books, his mugs, his jumpers and blankets and records.
“I’m not a hero Reg.”
But the younger boy only smiles, quiet and sad. “See, I think you might be though. Sometimes James, you shine so fucking bright I—-I feel like I’m going to burn up.”
He looks at the stars now, fingers tracing over them.
“It got all messed up didn’t it?” he whispers, words just for them. “I’m sorry about that. I know I let you both down. I know I didn’t figure it out fast enough. But maybe…in another life…”