Gary H

be gentle with my boy parts

[Gary H @chompsdad]

M

[AP Race Calls @AP_RaceCalls]

President Donald Trump holds notes during a White House listening session with students and parents affected by school shootings. (AP Photo by Carolyn Kaster)

[Gary H @chompsdad]

So many IPhone orders it crashed the servers – Apple rules

So many people signing up for Obamacare it crashed the servers – Obamacare sucks

[Gary H @chompsdad]

I bet that comet is all like get out of my orbit bitch I already know how to speak Spanish.

[Gary H @chompsdad]

After the cancellation of Wayne's World, Garth went on to found a successful chain of electrical supply stores

[Gary H @chompsdad]

Too many screw drivers I guess

[Gary H @chompsdad]

My milkshake brings all the lactose intolerants to the toilet

[Gary H @chompsdad]

This is the last time the Brooklyn Bridge will let her husband do laundry unsupervised "see, it says BLEACH in big white letters" " sorry"

[Gary H @chompsdad]

no shit!

[Gary H @chompsdad]

It was so sad when the German vampire was crying on True Blood yesterday

[Gary H @chompsdad]

Yes the train was delayed and packed and I had to stand the whole time, but at least the guy next to me smelled like Rush Limbaugh's taint

[Gary H @chompsdad]

If this guy on the train keeps saying "thought leadership" I am legally allowed to kick him in the balls. Right?

[Gary H @chompsdad]

If Hitler was around today he'd be all like "haters gonna hate"

[Gary H @chompsdad]

My new favorite work hobby is watching the interns try to type using an actual computer keyboard

[Gary H @chompsdad]

I don't trust any animal that bleeds for 7 days straight and doesn't die. Also I probably should stop stabbing my cat

[Gary H @chompsdad]

The cool thing about having kids is there's always someone standing outside the bathroom door while you poop asking if you're done yet

[Gary H @chompsdad]

I had a dream that Eminem and Taylor Swift got married, then divorced and it was so sad. But oh lord the beautiful music

[Gary H @chompsdad]

I couldn't find a comfortable foot position on the train and now my right butt cheek fell asleep. Send help

[Gary H @chompsdad]

Do you think my coworkers would stop complaining about me flossing at my desk if I stopped showing them all the bits of food that came out

[Gary H @chompsdad]

This website is getting a little personal with the security questions