Life pro tip: if you have to fart, try to do it while opening or closing a door. Then say “hmm.. I guess we should get some WD-Farty for this door...”. Your spouse or coworkers will love this joke.
at thanksgiving my sister said she didn’t think i should talk about aliens this year, she was like i believe you but last time you were standing up while you were talking about them and everyone else was sitting down and i think people were scared
Husband: Hey babe, turn on HBO max
wife: HBO max? You mean Max right?
husband: Max?
wife: Starting may 23rd hbo max is just Max
husband: Just Max huh? I like the sound of that. is anything different?
wife: No.
Husband: I love you so much
wife: i love you too
just remembered there’s a Good Doctor episode where one of the nurses flashes a kid right before both of his eyes are surgically removed to honor his wish of seeing boobs one time while he still can
I tweeted this on my priv but if you care he’s into zulu, mspaint, incendiary, khruangbin & alvvays I���ve been listening to some of them and he has such interesting taste lol lots of hardcore punk