Chris Bjerken music

I think I'm funny. I think.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

went to a garage sale and was told that the garage was in fact not for sale. I was like WTF bro

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

A dream is a shit your heart takes. #inspiration

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

I don't have a single Ruth.

I'm freaking ruthless.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

@ACExports

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Fathers don't name babies and the proof is that you've never met anyone named "Bacon".

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Note to self: write a Dexter parody where instead of a "dark passenger" there's a "distant cousin."

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Meet my gold-capped teeth rapper butler:

Grilled Jeeves

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Note to self: throw a vegan music festival called "Rockamole." 🥑🎸

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

I think the person who came up with the word "weirdo" was actually one because who just sticks an "o" at the end of an adjective to describe someone?

Like I'm a white man, but I don't see people on the street saying "look at that white-o" or "did you see that man-o?"

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

It's beginning to look a lot like Krumpus.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

@cmdrerniepaul I love that your definition of "quality content" is a squirrel getting hit in the nuts. 😆

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

...so I kicked that squirrel right in the nuts.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

All Klingons have resting bitch face.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

I don't understand the term "catcalling." I never witnessed anyone whistle at a cat and say "now that's a hot cat."

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Allergic to cats? Get a hairless one and glue a wig on it.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Note to self: start a hair metal band for kids named "The Scorplings."

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Note to self: start a nerd rock band named "Violent Sigh."

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

If you go to most Oregon ponds, you will see ducks swimming and living in tranquility. And I mean football players.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Want to mess with your local grocery store? Buy a package of raw meat, cook it, put it back in the package, then return it and tell them it came out of the package that way.

[Chris Bjerken music @chrisbjerken]

Note to self: write a screenplay in a political horror named "Night Mayor."