chrisk5000

Engineering at Google. Working on cutting edge topics in distributed databases such as writing error messages to describe how no matter what you do it's wrong

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@harryh Yeah it could be for a water line to a coffee machine, or countertop water filter or ice machine or whatever

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@harryh (That’s the power button for a garbage disposal in the picture. We had to drill a hole in the countertop for it because there turned out to be no way to run the wires to a normal switch.)

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@kartar @skamille You know, most people don’t realize I co-own this vineyard. It’s true! They mistake me for a common laborer because of my down to earth behaviors. I ride through the vines on the donkey. I taste the grapes and I say “no, not ready, not yet”

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

Merle Haggard

[Jason Mojica @elmodernisto]

Onion headlines you still think of years later.

I’ll start:

“Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off on Technicality”

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

*wonders quietly for 6 years*

so did they pronounce it yeest or yaste

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

Whoever named their sourdough starter William Butler Yeast should get a thousand dollars at all times

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

WILL YOU KIDS SET YOUR DEVICE NAMES CORRECTLY SO I CAN SEE WHAT IS ON THIS DANG MESH NETWORK is the new shut the door I am not paying to heat the whole outdoors

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@harryh It feels like our desiderata have wandered a long mile from “kids shouldn’t have to go to school in the dark” to “no daylight while I’m sleeping”

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@harryh But where does the same-time sunrise requirement come from? Your original wish was "start at a consistent time without worrying about a lack of sun", which only requires that sunrise be consistently earlier than you start, right?

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@KengJuan @skamille You guys I tried to joke about how the Chinese release of Fight Club with the overlay about Tyler Durden being stopped before executing his plan was basically “Poochie died on the way to his home planet” and they literally put me in a home

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

(False alarm. It turned out the pants were just full of snow.)

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

“Dad, there’s a 9 percent… there’s a 35… there’s between a 16 and a 30 percent… there’s a fifffffty-five… there’s between a 20 and a 100 percent chance I pooped in my pants”

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

Sequel

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

Kids (2017) [remake]: children growing up in Manhattan engage with adult habits at distressingly tender ages

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@maayanroth (Though looking at Wikipedia now I see he wrote quite a few other "for adults" novels that I've never heard of. Riddley Walker is one of my like top 5 all time favorite books if we've never talked about this before which I am currently drawing a blank on.)

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@maayanroth I remember when I learned this! I was telling some friends who had kids about Riddley Walker and they were like "wait... the Captain Najork and his Hired Sportsmen guy?"

Apparently he was *primarily* a children's book author and Riddley Walker was the wild outlier

[David Hill @davehill77]

The guy who found 160 bowling balls buried in his yard really seems like the right guy to have found 160 bowling balls buried in his yard

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

Lines join in faint discord

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

@harryh I literally just swiped away from Zillow to see this tweet. So first of all I’ve reported this as harassment and then second look at how many acres this place has! Then tell me if that’s a lot of acres I mean am I supposed to know what an acre is

[chrisk5000 @chrisk5000]

He was like “pfft dad you know you have CPU scaling enabled, right?” And I was all like BOY WHO TAUGHT YOU ABOUT CPU SCALING but then it turned out there was a literal warning on the screen saying exactly that but I had not seen it because one does not read one’s logs