Chris

An Astro-Atomic Fourth Day Fifth Dimensionalist

[Chris @chriskswenson]

Trying to put on underwear right after showering should be an Olympic event.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

Like Vicki Vale didn’t know he was Batman from the get-go. If my wife encountered me in a bat suit with body armor that complimented my physique, she’d be like, “Chris, you look ridiculous.”

[Chris @chriskswenson]

@AskCoachKev 30

[Chris @chriskswenson]

Let’s keep the recent development of releasing new albums with no singles. Love going into new music completely blind.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

You die sooner.

[The Figen @TheFigen_]

One perfect illustration of why fluctuations are crucial in life ...

[Chris @chriskswenson]

A zombie movie, but the zombie virus is this…

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

A zombie snail

It's been taken over by a parasite controlling its motor functions & eye stalks, mimicking caterpillars. The parasitic worm wants the snail to be eaten by birds, in whose intestines it will reproduce.
https://t.co/KV8edQSGZa

[Chris @chriskswenson]

But not like for nudie mags and smokes.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

My social media presence is not unlike that of a man that chooses to live in a cabin in the woods and only comes into town once or twice a month for needed things.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

Randy Rhoads hands down

[🎸 Rock History 🎸 @historyrock_]

You can only PICK one guitar player👇🏻

- Jimi Hendrix
- Eddie Van Halen
- Randy Rhoads

[Chris @chriskswenson]

Modern day warfare is wild; military intelligence gets posted on here like I’m telling you what I had last night for dinner. By the way, it was Hamburger Helper.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

They updated his software to use profanity. Very nice.

[Dom Lucre | Breaker of Narratives @dom_lucre]

🔥🚨DEVELOPING: The internet is in shock to witness Mark Zuckerberg use profanity at UFC 300.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

@kevinmyoung Your local YMCA for sure.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

#NewProfilePic

[Chris @chriskswenson]

Never deny the urge for 10pm grilled cheese.

[Jared Monroe @TheJaredMonroe]

I didn’t want to do this… https://t.co/rUQKuY4ObD
#FreeJaredMonroe #FreeSpeechMatters

[Chris @chriskswenson]

@matneyx If you got ‘em, perineum!

[Chris @chriskswenson]

Snoop Dogg

[Isaac’s Army @ReturnOfKappy]

What do you see... ?

#WeWantAnswers

[Chris @chriskswenson]

My favorite YouTube channel right now is basically a child predator poacher talk conservative politics with the offender until the cops show up.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

The eternal mystery has a sense of humor; I have developed a nut allergy in my 38th year of life.

[Chris @chriskswenson]

I just tell myself I’m not a glutton if I don’t eat the last one.