chris

sweatervests and bowties, and intercubicle nerfular warfare.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

that is cheese sushi. i always find a way!

[chris @chrisnsfw]

currently depressed because i google searched for "12. this guy exists"
you should be depressed too.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

cotton-eye joe dubstep. so the world does end in twenty-twelve...

[chris @chrisnsfw]

@chrisnsfw: The first thing I had to do this morning was explain to a friend how the Sarlacc Pit works. Awesome.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

"THERE'S A HORSE!"
yes there is, welcome to connecticut.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

"I only do kegels accidentally when something scares me" - still (for so many reasons) the love of my life, @OnceUponALiz

[chris @chrisnsfw]

marriage: it's a life sentence that you want. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
-the love of my life

[chris @chrisnsfw]

evidently, i am a sparrow.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

it's 5 o'clock EST, even though it's early afternoon here... who flies sober anymore?

[chris @chrisnsfw]

fountain with fire in the middle. baller.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

through security, checked in, flight's in two point five hours. it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

today we will find out how foursquare and location services work at 5000 ft. more at 5. next up, fiber: eat a wicker chair you geriatric!

[chris @chrisnsfw]

anyone else flying out of jfk to phoenix at 420 this afternoon? hit me up!

[chris @chrisnsfw]

how to bring in the after-work crowds to my bar, without going crazy in the current economy: happy minute, 5:59-6pm. i am not a clever man.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

hallelujah! hallelujah! jesus has risen!
that was a euphemism for, "i just had sex first thing in the morning on Easter."

[chris @chrisnsfw]

good news everyone! a blister can function as a stylus on touchscreens!

[chris @chrisnsfw]

my battery life is at 69%. 😏 i am twelve years old.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

evidently, after a honker's ale, a bee keeper, and a moscow mule, i become quotable.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

yup. i'm that old.

[chris @chrisnsfw]

never pick up girls that wear way too much makeup. you'll wake up in a jackson pollock with someone you've never seen before.