Christian Sparger

Whether you're laughing with me or at me, you're still laughing, so mission accomplished I guess.

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

Thought that my bike got stolen at the begging of the semester but it turns out I just parked it on campus and forgot about it for 3 months

[M @mariso1__]

The Keto Diet is ranked the worst diet of 2020 by dietitians & physicians. Even more so than the Atkins & paleo. Whereas the Mediterranean diet, with its high amount of vegetables, low amount of red meats, seafood & healthy oils, regularly rank number 1 each year.

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

Last night I had a dream that I met @Griz and then he met my cat, who I named GRiZ, and then they became best friends and I haven’t slept that well in many moons

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

To the all-knowing Twitter:

I need help naming my new kitty😸

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

Whoever doecided that good times and long times are mutually exclusive has never mastered the boot and rally

[TENDAYS @10D4YS]

I won’t believe America wants change until the KKK is illegal bc why tf is it not

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

The biggest mistake in standup comedy is thinking you’ll actually make it

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

@WalkerPinkLabel Thank you, your support in this movement means a lot❤️

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

I just think that ice cream cake shouldn’t be confined to birthdays like there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be a staple item on dessert menus by now

[huzaifa @huzaifamadaf]

Y’all ever open a text and think ok I’m gonna reply when I have the energy then BOOM it’s been 2 weeks and ur a terrible person

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

It really sucks that the entire world is so fucked by corona virus but tbh it sucks a lot more that there are people who are too selfish to care

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

@hoobs_music 8 texts max

[✨SUBTRONICS✨ @Subtronics]

i’ve watched enough rick and morty to know that there’s an alternate dimensional timeline where festivals are are still happening

who’s got a portal gun

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

@hoobs_music Booooooooooooo

[PAZ @pazpaz]

I just wanna fuck

ing see my homies again

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

Corona calories don’t count

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

I bet all the security guards who’ve thrown out my hand sanitizers at past raves are feeling pretty foolish right about now...

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

I’m celebrating my self-quarantine the same way I celebrate everything: smoking weed and watching The Office by myself😎💃🏻

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

@OfficialRezz and @LuciitheAlien are the only ones who are each perfect enough to deserve the other😭💕👽

[Christian Sparger @christiansparg]

Too depressed to be stressed😎