chucknorrisftw

Round house kicker since 1940

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

[chucknorrisftw @chucknorrisftw]

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.