alex

passoid in training

[alex @chuncmoder]

i killed a girl who could’ve lived and now every night she haunts me in my dreams with the echoes of the life i stole from her

[alex @chuncmoder]

@espressobaddie @MicroDoseHon substance abuse. constant dissociation and depersonalization. telling yourself you can’t rope until your parents die when you start making plans. mental breakdowns to interrupt dissociation with lots of crying and “i can’t live like this” at 3am. it’s not rly living

[alex @chuncmoder]

@zitwocy i’m an alcoholic hrt repper that’s repressed to everyone in my life for over a decade dw i also watch plenty of depressing art house films that are actually good

[alex @chuncmoder]

was a sentence away from coming out to my friend last night while we were drunk and now my brain is just like “you should gaslight her about everything you said, deny being trans, and become emotionally unavailable forever”

[alex @chuncmoder]

@JKoralCEO i saw the tv glow how bout i saw the clavicles grow (and turn me into a shoulderhon)

[alex @chuncmoder]

@MicroDoseHon this will be me unless i get the will to start using my fake trained voice outside instead of my true moid voice

[alex @chuncmoder]

sent a vaguer more eloquent doom post to my cis friend that still thinks i’m a guy and she compared it to the work of a depressioncore female poet am i truly fembrained chat or is this just what happens when sad uncmoders take estrogen for half a decade

[alex @chuncmoder]

@whattfismylife_ @alhpaquead @normal_guy41 i’m not a hon i’m a passoid with a moid voice that needs to voice train i recognize i visually pass atp at least to cis people

[alex @chuncmoder]

“oh what’s up bro i dead ass thought you were a woman this entire time”

“haha nah i’m just a guy”

ok i think it’s time to voice train

[alex @chuncmoder]

@whattfismylife_ @alhpaquead @normal_guy41 yea doing that now. the whole point of this post was that visually looking like cis woman will cause people to still think you’re a guy presenting androgynously once you talk to them if you’re a voicehon

[alex @chuncmoder]

@alhpaquead @normal_guy41 @whattfismylife_ oh it’s just voice not passing yet. i’m well aware i probably visually pass atp considering what that guy to me said last night but i gotta nail voice down to actually pass

[alex @chuncmoder]

@iLovePregabalin didn’t think it was good tbh but jax’s rejection of any emotional intimacy to the point of pushing away others hit very close as sm1 that did the same to a friend at 18 entirely bc i came out to them and then wanted to continue repping w/o being reminded of my transness

[alex @chuncmoder]

binged this show to learn wtf you were all talking abt and i think deciding to rep around the same time gooseworx transitioned turned me into the bitter regretful person trapped in a cycle of self destruction i am today that coming out at 18 wouldn’t have created

i became jax

[vamp @coffindwellers]

like yeah of course having a character who’s true gender identity is kept intentionally vague to allow different readings is an awesome concept but that’s just straight up not what jax is

jax represents goose’s fears about what would happen if she didn’t transition when she did

[alex @chuncmoder]

@whattfismylife_ @normal_guy41 5 years and change. started early 2021 if my shitty depression / dissociation memory is correct

[alex @chuncmoder]

the toll conscious repression from a young age takes going into your 20s and eventually mid to late 20s absolutely destroys you as a person and it becomes much harder to self actualize as you dig yourself further and further into a pit of complete apathy towards life

[alex @chuncmoder]

@normal_guy41 yea i’m pretty much atp where if i don’t come out in a few months i’ll probably rope since all the copes including the self destructive ones don’t work at all anymore. it’s time to get busy transitioning or get busy dying

[alex @chuncmoder]

boymoding as a concept is still relatively new bc of the past stricter access to hrt / lack of DIY so almost all people including even cis queer people still associate starting social transition at the same time as medical transition despite how obvious the latter may become

[V. Chaos- Captain Ostomy 💀 @tropotropotropo]

Learning a lot of people don't know what a boymoder is

[alex @chuncmoder]

@d7bkuju i love you too oomf i will never forget the manmoder xisterhood

[alex @chuncmoder]

crazy after 5 years of manmoding depression and dissociation realizing i’m like a few months of locking in my trained voice away from becoming a passoid even with short hair in a fucking binder and men’s clothes lowk gave up on ever coming out years ago but ig… igmi 💕

[alex @chuncmoder]

“oh what’s up bro i dead ass thought you were a woman this entire time”

“haha nah i’m just a guy”

ok i think it’s time to voice train

[alex @chuncmoder]

why does half of transtwt always tell me to go outside when a doom post blows up when that same half discourses over what flavor of tranny some animated rabbit named jax is

[alex @chuncmoder]

@2ndwhitejesus @ttttestosterone i’m a manmoder with DDs and an androgynous hairless face and i use the men’s still guys rly dgaf