Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT

TW!! SH AND MENTAL HEALTH! ///MINORS AND NON SHTWT DNI

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

I’m a little jealous of my fiance bc he’s been finally processing his emotions and trauma and allows himself to cry and experience all of it but I’ve lost any ability to do that because of my roommates

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

rationing my antidepressants and making the wildest d00rd4sh order while getting crossfaded lol

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

I keep going MONTHS between sessions but I get the urges all the time but also idk how to navigate it with my new job since it won’t be as easy to hide (aside from my thighs ig)

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

I miss cutting so bad dawg but this house gets so damn hot that I have to live in a tank top and shorts at all times or I’ll get violently sick but I wanna cut myself again so baaaaad 😭😭😭

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

Being a performer and also a cutter is so hard bc I wanna cut myself so bad rn but I have a show in two days where I’m basically naked and there’s nowhere I can cut without it being visible

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

IM MEDICATED AGAIN YIPPEE!! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AGAIN

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

lowkey wanna call out of work for tomorrow bc my mental health is so bad rn and im having a crisis but the thought of staying home with my fucking roommates makes me wanna kms more

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

life so bad my ass is considering getting addicted to stimulants to further neglect my needs to give myself up to everyone around me

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

nothing feels more embarrassing than cutting yourself at the big grown age of 24,,,, like I’ve been doing this shit for over a decade grow up dawg 💀

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

breaking my 4 month clean streak with cat scratches felt so embarrassing and not at all satisfying

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

nowhere around me sells double edge razors anymore dawg 😭😭😭 and all the shaving razors are locked up my ass is NOT calling over an employee to get them but also I’m getting so desperate for blades that at LEAST reach styro again I miss it so bad

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

luckily I’m not violently nauseous this time, just insanely fatigued and dizzy and getting brain zaps and wildly depressed and dissociated

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

brain fog so bad from working 60 hours a week and barely sleeping that I called in a refill for my sleep meds I don’t take anymore instead of my Zoloft and now I get to go through withdrawals while on day 5 out of 8 back to back shifts while still caring for my roommate

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

I don’t get to see my fiance really ever now bc of my schedule even though our 12 year anniversary is coming up in like a week, I’m barely eating anymore bc I never have time to, it’s so fucking joever for me chat I can’t keep doing this

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

forgot I stole replacement blades for the box cutters at my old job, they suck but it’s at least something until my next paycheck when I can order more blades, broke my 129 day clean streak last night and still feel like shit today

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

my fuckass evil roommates are finally moving out but waited until literally the last day to finally pack all their shit, my other roommate got surgery a few weeks ago and can’t do much so I have to do everything for them again, I’m working 6 days a week, I get no time alone,

[Apollo 🎪🔪 SHTWT @circuscvts]

apparently I’ve been clean for a little over four months now??? only learned that bc I wanna relapse so bad after having such a shit day at work and decided to check my streak lol