Max Beavis

Aspiring to be better and pretending in the meantime,

[The Harry Enfield Show @HarryEnfield6]

People hearing about the rumoured Oasis reunion
#Oasis #oasisreunion #oasis2025

[alex marshall @alexjkmarshall]

Finchley turned out. We are the many!

[Max Beavis @cjmbeavis]

Proud of our corner of London

[Lauren Stanley @LAURENCSTANLEY]

North Finchley tonight - one of the places the far right were expected - outnumbered massively by anti-racism protesters. Heavy police presence but largely calm.

[🇺🇸Woke Patriotic Cats 🇺🇦🟧💙vote=power🦅 @stand4sumtin]

@fiona_webster22 And this one!

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

Rishi Sunak has offered his resignation to The King but Keir Starmer has yet to be appointed as Prime Minister, so who's in charge? Me.

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

I have many criticisms of Sunak and the Conservatives but we should all reflect that they have shown no hesitation in accepting the will of the people nor any hint of questioning its legitimacy. Citizens of other nations look on enviously.

[Parody Nigel Farage @Parody_PM]

"Now call a general election in the pouring rain with 'Things Can Only Get Better' blasting in the background!"
#GeneralElection

[𝕭𝖏ø𝖗𝖓 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖆𝖑 @_nonfigurativ_]

Entangled #fxhash

[Roy @badwool9]

Seasons Chaaaaaaange.

[Moving Home with Charlie @moving_charlie]

The most dangerous aspect of being an unitiated first time buyer is how easily we can be exploited.

First-time buyers are cannon-fodder for feckless estate agents, mortgage brokers and conveyancing call centres.

You think you've done your research, but it's all a carefully-laid trap that only the wisest avoid.

It's a time-consuming process to avoid these traps, BUT it's far less time consuming or expensive than falling into them.

Typical (insufficient) First Time Buyer "Preparation":

- Watch property websites for months
- Read all the media about the housing market
- Reading up on confusing "advice"
- Ask your mate who's an agent
- First (fatal) Step: Contacting an estate agent about a property you've seen online, with an 85% chance (trust me, bro) that it's with an exploitative agent.

Result: You have been successfully sucked into the referral funnel of a machine that will sign you up to the worst value financial products and pay no attention to what you actually want.

What First Time Buyers SHOULD do to, in this order, to maintain control over your buying journey:

1. Establish your financial situation (budget) with an independent, whole of market, mortgage broker, before you start viewing properties.

2. Obtain a Mortgage "Decision in principle" for two reasons: It demonstrates you are better prepared and more serious than other buyers AND it defends you against attempts to sign you up to in-house mortgage brokers that you didn't choose (and should not necessarily trust).

3. Take your time to select a conveyancing firm (this is not easy). Don't do it online, call them. Choose local independent firms, but avoid sleepy ones who don't answer the phone first time or don't call you back. Never choose them based on fee. Once you have selected a firm you trust, have them "ready to go" so you can tell agents you already have a conveyancer selected.

4. You are now a "highly proceedable buyer" and ready to start viewing homes. This puts you in the top 10% of buyer enquiries, more likely to be offered viewings, more likely to have offers taken more seriously, and less likely to be sucked into someone else's sales pipeline.

5. When you initially contact an agent to view a property, avoid doing it through the big websites, as you are 40% less likely to get a response than if you contact the agents directly, by email or phone. When you do contact them, include the fact that you have your Mortgage in Principle, Conveyancer selected and are ready to make offers on any suitable homes.

6. Making offers: Try not to give yourself away at the viewing, agents know the signs. Never make an offer on the same day as a viewing. Disregard any sales pressure. Sleep on it. If you wake up unable to think about anything else but that home, and you want to offer, make it by email, (NOT phone or in person). If the agent calls you before you've offered (good ones will) tell them you will be emailing your offer. Do NOT get into price discussions with them.

7. Make your offer by email, include your proof of deposit, mortgage in principle, conveyancers details AND the fact that you will purchase the "Property Search Pack" (required by all lenders) immediately if your offer is accepted. Be prepared to wait 7 days for a response, don't chase before then. Don't overextend yourself, and don't be disappointed if it's rejected. You may have to offer 10 times before you get one accepted.

I always recommend choosing your own independent mortgage broker and conveyancer locally, using recommendations from friends or family, but only choosing because YOU trust the provider, not just because someone else does.

If you can't find ones you trust (or don't have the time) below are the guys I have hand picked below because their customer service levels are excellent, and they are people I trust.

Good luck!

Talk to my hand-picked mortgage partners here: https://t.co/eD2QjtMmFQ

Talk to my conveyancing partners here:
https://t.co/jFEWqCpX1r

Order your Property Search Pack here: https://t.co/NcQxX883lw

[Anthony Pompliano 🌪 @APompliano]

This is insane 🤯

The machines are coming alive.

[Max Beavis @cjmbeavis]

So, Oli put his solo record out 9 9 2022

Romy put hers out 7 9 2022

So Jamie… Sept 24 for your next full length?

Then 2025 for xx4?

[Parody Nigel Farage @Parody_PM]

Stop The Boats Week didn't go very well, so I'm relieved that Transportation Week is off to a good start.
#airtrafficcontrol

[zerohedge @zerohedge]

Of course, this is just a formality, Evergrande was insolvent and defaulted almost two years ago

[Benjamin Cowen @benjamincowen]

#SPX / M2

When accounting for the money supply, the S&P 500 has had a hard time breaking through this range.

I find it fascinating that when accounting for M2, the tops have all been around the same level for the last several years.

[Edwin Hayward @edwinhayward]

THE 26 LAWS OF BREXIT

1. Brexit means Brexit

2. Put 3 Brexiters in a room, and they will emerge with 4 versions of Brexit.

3. The 2016 referendum represents the largest democratic mandate ever. It just does, ok. (The turnout in the Scottish referendum and in many past GEs, and the total number of votes cast in the 1992 GE don't count.)

4. 17.4 million people represent a majority of an electorate of 46,500,001, and of a population of 65 million.

5. "Will of the People" is the equivalent of QED at the end of a scientific proof.

6. If Brexit's not succeeding, it's because you're not believing hard enough.

7. All the following are working together to block the One True Brexit: Remainers, judges, Labour, most Tories, MPs in general, the Lords, the royal family, mass media, experts, economists, the woke, business leaders, foreign firms, facts, stats, reality, the EU, did I mention the EU?, oh and the EU of course!

8. What do experts know? They only have knowledge and experience to go by.

9. It is impossible to predict the future because it hasn't happened yet.

10. A prediction that doesn't come true is a lie.

11. Irish border? Just a red line on a map, innit.

12. Eton- and Oxford-educated millionaires and hedge fund owners are bound to want exactly the same from Brexit as the average person in Britain.

13. Democracy is dead if we have a second referendum, especially if we lose it.

14. We can time travel back to the good bits of 1975 by leaving the EU.

15. The best way to ingratiate ourselves with our largest European trading partner is to keep mentioning the war. If it's good enough for Basil Fawlty...

16. The less you understand Brexit, the more you are obliged to talk about it in military terms.

17. Pointing out that demographic changes since the referendum favour Remain is exactly the same as wishing old people dead. Heck, why not just go the whole hog and kill them yourself?

18. The EU's such a weak, failing institution, it will collapse if someone blows in its general direction.

19. The EU are brutish bullies who do nothing but boss us around, and dictate terms.

20. Our reality is better than your reality, because ours is British.

21. Every time you deny Brexit, a unicorn dies. Murderer!

22. International law is more of a suggestion.

23. No matter what version of Brexit gets implemented, it will never be the Brexit you voted for.

24. Lies become true if you shout them loud enough (flecks of spittle add to the veracity).

25. Whatever your political allegiance, the BBC is biased against you.

26. One day, we'll all be dead.

[Alex Becker 🍊🏆🥇 @ZssBecker]

Recession is starting btw

[Edwin Hayward @edwinhayward]

Get to Know the Bibby Stockholm...

- 500+ single adult men crammed onto a barge with a capacity of 222 in normal use (e.g. as accommodation for oil workers)

Single rooms:
- 2 strangers, sharing an austere metal bunk bed
- TV (as mocking and useless as a paperweight: they've been deliberately detuned so they won't pick up anything, to "encourage socialising" apparently)
- 1 chair, 1 desk, 1 wardrobe
- A window (it's supposed to be able to open; this is touted as a major plus by the barge's owners)
- Shower and toilet

Slightly larger rooms:
- 4 strangers, in 2 bunk beds

Communal areas:
(Most of the larger ones have been repurposed into dormitories. The thin list below is pretty much all that's left.)
- Narrow corridors
- TV room with sofas, seating up to 12 people max
- Tiny gym
- Classroom with seating for perhaps 20, some sort of laptops, and "wifi access"
- Bar (off-limits to asylum seekers, and reserved as a "staff lounge")
- Multi-faith prayer room
- Games room with a pool table and a few chairs
- "Outdoor" space surrounded on all four sides by massive walls made up of the 3-storeys of cabins, so you can't see anything other than sky
- Canteen dining area (not nearly big enough for 500 people)

Other facilities:
- Basic meals 3x a day (but note that the canteen seems far too small to seat everyone at once, so presumably there will be shifts coming and going all the time)
- Laundry service
- On-site nurse 5 days a week
- Access to GP if referred by the nurse

Beyond the ship:
- Airport-style security (metal detectors etc.)
- 24/7 guards conducting "robust security checks"
- 15ft high fence all around
- No pedestrian access to the port or the wider area
- Only way to get to Weymouth and beyond is on the occasional shuttle buses
- Have to sign register every time they leave

The asylum seekers on board are likely to be there between six months and a year or more.

They can't work.

They will be fed and their clothes washed, but they will have just over a pound a day for absolutely everything else they need.

They are expected to spend the overwhelming majority of their time on the barge, where as we've seen there are leisure and learning facilities for maybe 1/10th of people if we're being extremely generous with how we estimate it.

It is truly, truly disgusting.

[Brendan May @bmay]

I know @GaryLineker and the rest of us with basic knowledge of history aren’t allowed to say the tone of a Home Secretary calling for actual lawyers to be jailed is exactly like the tone of 1930s Germany; but it’s exactly like the tone, and indeed the reality, of 1930s Germany.

[Ad Professor @The_AdProfessor]

The 9 most creative social media ads I've collected this week:

1. World Wildlife Foundation