NotCJSidebottom

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Apparently Irish bars still get pissed when you body slam your friends. Fucking hypocrites.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

I'm going to start tweeting again, just for @adventureinside

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Also, apparently that wasn't what they needed me to do for "Magic FM".

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Tip: When performing magic shows, never rely on a monkey to be your assistant. I've been stuck under that trapdoor for 3 months.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Gonna go camp out and wait for the titty club to open. I go early cause the chubby girls try harder.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Seriously, fuck Bono.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Decided to become a hipster. Saw this awesome jam band last night, bought the album on vinyl. Now, where can I find a kick-ass fedora?

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

I'm drunk like a volcano. Fuck you, that totally makes sense.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Sorry for the lack of tweets lately. Stupid sex comas. Know what I'm sayin'?

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Damn, I'm not going to get nearly as much ransom money now.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Whoa. Apparently I kidnapped a Justin Beiber impersonator. Or just some kid who looked like Beiber when I was drunk.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Every Friday the 13th I follow the same ritual: Get drunk and hit the strip clubs. Say what you will, but it works.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

I'll get married when I find a girl who understands why our wedding invitations would have to include flamethrowers and a monster truck.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Just woke up in a cheap San Diego motel room. There's a large man laughing maniacally in the corner. I'm fucking terrified.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Football season is just around the corner. I'm so excited that I tackled a random kid as she came walked around a street corner.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

By the way, still hiding. I'm kicking these kids asses at hide-and-go-seek.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Sorry for the lack of updates. Leading a caving trip and we played hide and go seek. Little bastards left me down there for 3 days.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

For those who have asked, yes, I did singe all of the hair off of my arms this weekend. And yes, it only made me even more of a sexy fucker.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

Most epic fireworks ever. Seriously man, this was the greatest 4th of July in the history of mankind.

[NotCJSidebottom @cjsidebottom]

The best thing about fire department background checks is they never seem to ask about illegal fireworks.