truly remarkable to observe the evolution of my self-destructive impulses… you think a certain lifestyle change is going to eliminate them but no. It’s like cutting a worm into pieces and you just get more worms
per usual the common denominators are no sleep, seeking out info that upsets me, sending embarrassing/impulsive texts… but the real salt in the wound was being accused of using ChatGPT to write a research brief, which I would NEVER. pretty sure that pushed me over the edge
Metrically, “My Mayor Muslim/My bagel Jewish/My Christian Dior/ My Knicks in Four” works very nicely. It has this Donne-like cadence with the emphasis shift at the end to bring it home.
just experienced something that would have made me want to *** three months ago. and don’t get me wrong it did for a second! but I called my sponsor and walked it off!!!!!!!!!! 🩰
simultaneously being so fucking helpless and exhausted that I surrender my will completely + remaining committed to staying alive out of a doglike combination of determination, love, and spite >>>>>>>>>>
i believe in true love the way i believe in meth. i know it is real. i have tried it, by accident. it makes me insane. i do not have much interest in trying it again, at the moment. but i am a believer in true love.
big day. somehow the world feels full of possibility again, like everything is as it should be. if you came to me a year ago and told me I’d feel that way about my current circumstances, I wouldn’t have believed you. I couldn’t conceive of it. A miracle, a mystery, a gift