dostoybedstuy

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Kicking a soccer ball and it stops mid air and grows legs and arms and a face and says "lets make pancakes" then a auto rifle appears in its arms and he says "do u have pancake mix? Do u know where to get pancake mix? Because if not I know how to maybe, emancipate that dichotomy"

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Eating cookies thinking to myself "they're nasty they don't have m&ms in it" and buying a mcflurry and saying out loud "white people be like Peyton manning had a worse career than Brady but you , a white American have not invented anything better than a mcflurry. When that change

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

The first time I ever got drunk I was sporting a timberwolves jacket and talking about how I wanted my friend Ronald to stop masturbating for a few months so he would freak out more

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

My professor deadass just called my gf (who is a art history major and wears glasses) cam newton style pussy

[ceres @0xCE7E5]

i love you so much
i wish the person you loved
was better than me

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Taco bell stopped selling Baja blast because teenagers were getting drunk. Not on Baja blast. They just were showing up and shouting "Baja blast" excitedly

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

@DerekPutin (getting really demanding out of nowhere) so you're saying we won't be in this situation much longer

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Pokemon game don't exist no more swivelwest

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Diary of a molten baby dragon

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Hi guys Jim from the office here. All that stuff I did to Dwight was rather stupid and immature. I am moving on from that stuff to conquer every unfortunate victim as a demon warlord

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

All the joker wants and less of what he' d need

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Listing my dog on craigslist with the description "intricate patterns recognizer, knows way too much, very simple when it comes to applying that knowledge, gay"

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Garage sale next door selling tie dye polos like who even care any more

[reina @himekajicide]

noble in reason, infinite in faculties

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Waiter: the special is potatoes and brisket over rice. We're really excited about this one
Me: I'll go with that
Waiter: it's not for sale you have to fight me for it
Me: ok then I'll have a hamburger
Waiter: I was kidding
Me: (surprised, excited) your gonna bring out the special

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Nooooooo @himekajicide unfollowed me I take it back

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Policeman: have you seen this baby. His accomplices refer to him as "goo ga gaaa ga"
Black woman: damn right I seen him jockeying the hell out of some old broom stick casting spells on the dog turning him into two chickens
Policeman: you nearly just fucked this investigation up

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

@satinchaitiu Is there a schedule for when there will be sacrifices I can undermine at least

[dostoybedstuy @clandisrupter]

Before this semester ends a version of you is coming out that asks the teacher to "teach harder and slower"