Keith Quotes

The official Keith Mencke twitter page brought to you by his daughter, Mackenzie.

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

My dad absolutely could not get his feet on the peddles all you hear is him begging Skyler to stop as they echo away.

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

He's counting out $3.44 in coins at 12am in Mcdonalds.. "Thats what this cachier gets for working the midnight shift- the crazies like me"

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"I was robbed of my very first adventure.. In the womb I saw the canal them BAM they took me out C-section. Thats why im so adventerous now"

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

As he puts a bite of cake into his mouth- "Lord please turn this into broccoli as it goes down.. Amen."

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"This sunscreen is making everything stick to me. I feel like an arts and crafts project."

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"Kenz sorry you had to witness me running into my room naked this morning! Its a good thing youre getting baptized today..."

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

Love how he thinks his clever joke, "if youre not here say something!" Is funny every single time were getting in the car

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"Eww smell that penguin? Oh I mean skunk, sorry same colors"

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

He asks me who this sketchy guy is thats following him on twitter, shows me his phone, and it's Keith Quotes... blonde moment?

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"If i own his kitten it's like im family. And if you give me a ticket its basically like youre giving yourself a ticket."

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

The cop down the road is selling kittens. If i buy one you think it will prevent me from getting tickets?

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

While getting into the hotel hottub he decides to climb in right where a kid is sitting and ends up falling on his lap "woah woah sorry"

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

Awkwardly walking around the fancy hotel lobby holding a box of frosted flakes

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"Im trying to back the wiper. I mean wipe the backer. Wipe the back window!!"

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"Dad quick quick! How do you spell bicycle? Quick!"
"Janbxjdhhsids b-i-k-e!"

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"You know what happens if i lose my license? I'd have to get a new job. Thats kind of... exciting"

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"Women get periods. Men get question marks because they dont understand."

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

He pinned a mistletoe under his hat so whenever he gets close to my mom they have to kiss. Hahah clever invention

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"Dad you just went through a stop sign!"
"I'll stop twice on the way back."

[Keith Quotes @classickeith]

"OW im on fire!" not something you wanna hear as Keith is starting the stove