lez incompetents

finding ur claims dubious

[ɳყαɦ! @JINKIESBTCH]

and to my grandkids i leave 64 playlists i curated based on a specific feeling or experience

[¿ @umlarp]

putting in my too weak notice

[Ella Glorp @ellaglorp]

One must imagine Sisyphos happy…

[camille @peachofthewest]

having my friend watch my cats while I’m out of town and he immediately started eating seafood soup in my bed

[NAOMI 🐇 @BUNNYEXPLODER]

ALL YEARNERS TO YOUR BATTLESTATIONS

“US IF WE WERE SAFE RABBITS”
“ME AND WHO”
“THIS COULD BE US”

GO GO GO

[eatnik @eatnik]

This tumblr comment lives rent free in my brain, and every week I find new things to apply the logic to.

[valentine @valawakened]

staying close w people long distance really is about the mundane stuff. i get texts like "made egg toast" "spilled coffee all over my desk:("
"lady on the metro has not one not two but three tiny dogs in her purse" and its like wow. i love you more than words can express

[James🗳 @_fat_ugly_rat_]

This is genuinely the best part of our entire planet

[Lucy Dacus @lucydacus]

he will be more useful to this earth as the dirt he will become

[grace @gracefishlove]

Sorry about the mean things i said when i was right

[Yunie ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა @Hyeyunie]

It’s kind of humiliating when the arts and crafts can tell there’s impatience in your heart

[audrey @phlegmme]

Choosing a good karaoke song isn’t about what other people might want to hear. Their needs should never even cross your mind

[Desean Packson @DeseanPackson]

Sorry man it’s highly unlikely I drop another huge piece of sausage

[pink berry @thedarkprowler]

It’s like watching a video of an alligator getting a kill. No wasted movements until the last moment, and by then it’s already too late

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

America’s greatest accomplishments at 250:
1. Jazz
2. Barbecue
3. Baseball
4. Turning right on red
5. Patti Smith
6. Constitutional Democracy (discontinued)
7. Spielberg’s 70s through 90s run
8. Seinfeld (the show, not the guy)
9. The National Parks System
10. Coca-Cola

[hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge]

women love edibles it reminds them of the apple

[TIBO ☔️ @cmoitibo]

Dieu nous a donné des mains parfaites pour gratouiller les animaux et au lieu de faire ça on a inventé le travail

[jolene of arc @okaypompeii]

the first thing I think of when I see people debating whether a poem is good or bad