Constantine Platanias

Headline and Features @TheOnion ——— Unapologetically apologetic

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

@ABZato @SoulEat29930524 @YahooFantasy @ESPNFantasy Do you think they’re gonna fix it? I wonder if there’s some number to call before the results get finalized Thursday. I also saw that about week 5 and it seems like an identical scenario, but maybe there was something different about what happened that we’re missing?

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

@ABZato @SoulEat29930524 @YahooFantasy I am also awaiting Yahoo Fantasy to serve justice and issue a stat correction. It would be nice if they gave a response.

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

@NickChaps96 @BarstoolBigCat Who cares, the Bears beat them and the referees.

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

I hope the Dutch infant sitting next to me on my 11-hour flight from Amsterdam enjoys touring around San Francisco.

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

I don’t smoke, but if the turbulence is bad enough, they should turn the no smoking light off

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

I get that gambling is addictive but I don’t appreciate the ATM recommending my parents put me in a conservatorship

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

Casino sportsbooks can be very profitable if you learn how to judge a horse’s clutch factor based on body language

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

Slot machine hack: cross your arms and pout until somebody’s mom fishes a dollar bill out of her purse to cheer you up

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

@matfranco Loved the show but your sleight of hand tips have failed to appease the casino henchmen currently torturing me

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

Just saw 12 escorts leave with one guy. Luigi hasn’t changed shit

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

Casinos be like “Welcome to the MGM Jade Coliseum, enjoy a complimentary Fiji water bottle for every 75,000 dollars you lose”

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

*Me at the roulette table* “Who cares how much I lose? This is the most I’ve ever had, also kill me and the ghouls polluting my soul with avarice.”

[The Onion @TheOnion]

‘The Sims’ Turns 25
https://t.co/Nfrp3mDuLA

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

@ShamsCharania Shams account was either hacked or reality is broken. You’re a pawn if you think this is our original dimension.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Black Market Organ Dealer Tired Of Being Asked If He’s Seen ‘Squid Game’
https://t.co/5lVeZMi25S

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

Tough brain-teaser. Torn between Steph and Durant.

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

The White Walkers are infiltrating our government. America is at risk of a wholly anticlimactic final season.

[Constantine Platanias @clplatani]

@OpenAI ChatGPT’s being a pessimistic fuck again

[The Onion @TheOnion]

That’s It For The Onion’s Coverage, Our Reporters Have All Killed Themselves

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Trump: ‘African Americans Are Coming Into This Country To Take Black Jobs’