Kyle Herron

I'm the reason your life feels incomplete between purchases. #copywriter

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

@JeromyYYC I don’t know what Devin Dreeshen is talking about. My wife and I use the bike lanes year round as do lots of people. In the summer, they’re packed, especially downtown, the Beltline and Inglewood. Fewer bikes on the road means more cars on the road and traffic.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

It’s a nice compliment for all the hard work. But where is the line? Would she like it if I chugged the gravy boat and inhaled 12 pounds of a 20 pound turkey. No, that would make her worry. Cross off that idea.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

Stream of consciousness on Thanksgiving. Wow! I ate a lot. A lot a lot. Like now feels like a like a good time to take up competitive eating. Not for the competition. No, just so I could eat even more next year. Our moms like to see us eat and eat.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

@YourAlberta Give students smaller classes and teachers more money. Education is worth investing in.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

You can’t spell tariffs without FFS

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

@catturd2 Uh, no. Two-thirds of Canadians think Alberta is too conservative.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

@RpsAgainstTrump The whole thing is so dumb. The U.S. has roughly 9 times the population and GDP of Canada. Of course Americans are going to buy more Canadian stuff than Canadians are going to buy American stuff.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

@NateSilver538 Zero chance. I really enjoy visiting America and chatting with Americans on vacation in Alberta. A closer economic union sounds interesting to me but the cultures are very different.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

What if the client doesn’t have any muscle tone? It would feel like kneading a giant slippery pizza. But if you didn’t have any muscles, why would you get a massage? Marbled muscles are more tender. Cannibals would know.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

Stream of consciousness on massages. I’m talking about registered massage therapists. I guess both kinds touch people they normally wouldn’t. But what a strange profession. I don’t know what they get out of it. Is it the way oily muscles move around that’s appealing?

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

@DevinDVote If you ever took the C-train, you would know there is a tunnel right behind city hall, not full of river. If you spent anytime downtown, you would know more street level trains will cause gridlock. Your “plan” based on nothing is a staggering waste of time and money:

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

Wait, is that more important than what I do? It probably is. I mean, copywriting is useful to businesses. But I wouldn’t eat rotten meat like a wasp does. And what I do does not prevent harmful bacteria from polluting the water supply.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

Stream of consciousness on the godamn wasp that just stung me. Why is nature so mean? I was just sitting there and pinched him behind my knee. What about the backside of my knee was so appealing? Wasps are jerks. Sure they protect crops and pollinate flowers.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

I’d watch any event involving costumes, or big wooden ships and cannons. But I’ll watch any sport really. I just wish they all had cool names like “skulls.” Ok, I just found out it’s spelled “sculls.” #olympics2024

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

Stream of consciousness on Olympics. I watched skulls last week. What a name for rowing, right, “skulls”? I wonder if it got its name from a chase involving two pirates and a row boat? Now, that’s something the Olympics should consider, pirate costumes!

[Science girl @sciencegirl]

During a solar eclipse, the gaps between leaves on trees act as multiple pinhole cameras,

and each gap projects its own crescent-shaped image of the eclipsed sun onto the ground.

📹gottigreen

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

The stakes are pretty high for them. When December rolls around, most of us are like, “Oh well, still didn’t eat much kale.” For them, a lot of hand wringing: “Jesus, only 31 days to cure cancer.”

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

Stream of consciousness on New Year’s resolutions… I updated my portfolio yesterday. Check! All the weight loss, read more, get more sleep ones are fine for most of us. Did you ever think about scientists’ New Year’s resolutions, though? I wonder if it’s just “cure cancer”

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

It just sat there on the table for hours. It was wrapped, but still, gross right? He kept it in the fridge until the gift exchange. I wonder if he actually thought someone was going to take it home and eat it? You don’t mess around with salmonella.

[Kyle Herron @cmdcwriting]

Stream of consciousness on office Christmas parties. Agency ones are the best. The train wreck bar is set so high you can’t see it from ground level. Good times. I’ve been to some weird ones too. This one time someone brought a raw chicken as a secret Santa gift.