C’MON MAMA

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Spend $200 at Build-a-Bear so your kids can tell you their fave part was the $7 cotton candy you bought on the way out.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Everyone says you’ll get to do what you want when you’re a grown-up, but no one warns you that the stuff you’ll want to do is things like cleaning out the garage & going through your closet.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. I can’t find my earbuds & I’m physically unable to talk on the phone without them now that I’m used to them.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Only a 4 year old will look you in the eye while peeing and unflinchingly tell you they’re not peeing…

…all because you knew they needed to & they said they didn’t.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

The CDC now says no shoes, no shirt, no problems.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

The CDC now says no shoes, no shirt and no problems.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Shout out to my husband for knowing it’s not the sweatpants but what’s inside the sweatpants that counts.

There’s no cozy like baggy sweatpants cozy & we deserve that level of cozy.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Things I’ve learned about myself:

1. I am a good Mom when I get to just be a Mom.

2. I’m not a good Mom when I try to also be a teacher.

3. I’m not a good teacher when I try to also be a Mom.

That is all.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

My husband’s and my favorite thing to watch when we finally have time to sit down together?

Previews, apparently.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

One thing no one talks about is how the junk in the trunk shifts after pregnancy/labor/having kids.

Like, you want to keep the junk in your trunk right? You don’t want it all over the whole damn car. It belongs in the trunk.

Baby used to have back but now she got none, hun.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

For Father’s Day I’m renewing my husband’s access to a “looking service” that can locate anything he can’t find…which is everything.

It’s called M-E.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

For Father’s Day I’m renewing my husband’s access to a “looking service” that can locate anything he can’t find…which is everything.

It me.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

The CDC now says that no shoes and no shirt will in fact cause no problems.

#CDCsays #CDCTips

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Moms:

3:00pm: I don’t think I can keep my eyes open another second. It’ll be all I can do to make it til bedtime.

10:00pm: Let me solve all the problems in the world and go through the calendar for the next 3 months.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Daylight Saving Time for parents is losing an hour of sleep that you will literally 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 find again.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

Life with Kids:⁣
⁣
Movie: ⁣
$𝟹.𝟿𝟿 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵, $𝟷𝟷.𝟿𝟿 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘺⁣
Me: rent⁣
—⁣
Same movie, 3 days later: ⁣
$𝟹.𝟿𝟿 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵, $𝟷𝟷.𝟿𝟿 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘺⁣
Me: rent⁣
—⁣
SAME movie, 1 week later:⁣
$𝟹.𝟿𝟿 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵, $𝟷𝟷.𝟿𝟿 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘺⁣
Me: dammit

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

My nightly routine includes sitting down at the end of the day for 20 minutes and standing up 2 hours later.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

I’m a “saves-endless-recipes-that-look-yummy-but-I’ll-never-cook” kind of girl.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

I’m a “saves endless recipes that look yummy but I’ll never cook” kind of girl.

[C’MON MAMA @cmonmama]

One day you’ll rock your child for the last time and you won’t even know it.