Vera

Exposing #coercivecustody. #FamilyCourtCrisis enables #coercivecontrol.

[Vera @coercivecustody]

Stop calling it “high conflict.”

It’s domestic violence.
It’s post-separation abuse.
It’s legal abuse.
It’s #coercivecontrol.

Judges enable it through #coercivecustody.

This is the #FamilyCourtCrisis.

#CustodyAbuse #LegalAbuse #PostSeparationAbuse #ProtectChildren

[Vera @coercivecustody]

“Any noncompliance on two or more occasions shall presumptively constitute a change in circumstances…”

So, if I hit traffic or a blizzard, the court will reduce my parenting time.

But he can deny my parenting time, limit contact, and violate every part of the court order.

Rules don’t apply to abusers,
only the survivors.

Especially here in #McHenryCounty
#FamilyCourt #CoerciveCustody #coercivecontrol #PostSeparationAbuse

[Vera @coercivecustody]

Same judge in #McHenryCounty says:

“Parents have a certain amount of liberty when it comes to physical punishment in the state of IL” — when shown photos of handprint bruises on a child.

Five years later in the same custody case:

“I don’t want to hear about anything that happened before 2020” — when shown more photos.

He’s already had 6 years on my case — and was just reassigned for another 6. Twelve straight years with the same judge. This is how the system protects abusers.

Looks like child abuse is fine… if the right judge is protecting you.

#CoerciveCustody #FamilyCourt #PostSeparationAbuse

[Vera @coercivecustody]

“No bruises, no injuries” = no abuse… AND mom made him say it.

That’s the GAL’s version.

But I didn’t have my son Monday or Tuesday.
He was “home sick” with his father for two days.

By the time I got him Wednesday morning, I had barely over an hour to get him changed, feed him, and take him to school.

Yet somehow, I supposedly used that time to convince him to lie — in the exact words they claim are “reminiscent” of my past reports.

This letter from the GAL to both attorneys leaves out that one crucial fact — and it’s why my son no longer tells anyone but me what happens at his father’s house.

#CoerciveCustody #FamilyCourt #coercivecontrol #childabuse #ProtectOurKids #McHenryCounty #JudicialReform

[Vera @coercivecustody]

You’re not alone Amanda! #mchenrycounty #CoerciveCustody #coercivecontrol #familycourt #legalabuse #postseparationabuse

[Vera @coercivecustody]

This is what abusers count on in #postseparationabuse
This is how #familycourt enables abuse.
This is what allows abusive parents to have #CoerciveCustody

#coercivecontrol #legalabuse

[Vera @coercivecustody]

#mchenrycounty #familycourt judge says “insufficient credible evidence” despite this testimony by the court appointed forensic psychologist? #coercivecustody #coercivecontrol #domesticviolence all swept under the rug.

[Vera @coercivecustody]

#McHenryCounty judge continues to silence #coercivecontrol , propagating #legalabuse , enabling #coercivecustody and dismissing #domesticviolence. This is why there is a #familycourtcrisis.

[Vera @coercivecustody]

I can SO empathize with this but what do you do when the #CoerciveControl is coming from the legal system? #mchenrycounty #familycourt judge, appointed GAL and parenting coordinator? And they all ignore any evidence of #domesticviolence? I would take the beating. Just give me back my child. #coercivecontrol😔

[Vera @coercivecustody]

This is precisely the guise that #mchenrycounty #familycourt judge functions under. #domesticviolence #coercivecontrol #coercivecustody

[Vera @coercivecustody]

#mchenrycounty #familycourt judge continues his reign of terror going into his 8th year by denying a substitution of judges saying “I have an open mind”

#coercivecontrol
#coercivecustody
#DomesticAbuseAwareness

[Vera @coercivecustody]

So true. Especially in #mchenrycounty #familycourt where the judge ignores evidence of #domesticviolence from his own court appointed forensic psychologist so he can enable #coercivecontrol and #coercivecustody. This is clearly systemic and institutional #coercivecontrol.

[Vera @coercivecustody]

#mchenrycounty #familycourt judge claims to “have an open mind” when denying substitution so he can continue aiding and abetting #coercivecontrol through the court.
A judge who disregards testimony from 3 different witnesses establishing domestic abuse and relies solely on the so called credible testimony of the abuser. Difficult to see where the open mind comes in.

[Natalie Page @NataliePage]

You finally get away from the abuser, thinking the worst is over.
Then you walk into family court. The system that was supposed to protect you becomes the next source of trauma. The same fear, and powerlessness. The same feeling that no one is on your side.
https://t.co/v4b7j0cKQj

[Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩 @Ryan_Daigler]

The narcissist parent with their children

[Natalie Page @NataliePage]

Victim-blaming isn’t a flaw in the family courts. It’s the feature that lets abusers win.

The process is the punishment, the system is the weapon.
https://t.co/sHilgPacIW

[Vera @coercivecustody]

Wouldn’t be surprised to see the same type of results here in the US.

[Natalie Page @NataliePage]

🚨 Family courts are failing women and children. The evidence is undeniable.
New @RighttoEquality report finds 72.5% of judgments in domestic abuse cases contain judicial victim-blaming. 530 instances — mostly from judges. Mothers discredited, their trauma trivialised, rape myths repeated, abusers excused while their behaviour is minimised.
This isn’t “neutrality”. It’s institutional misogyny that puts kids at risk and re-traumatises survivors.
The report lands in Parliament TODAY.
Enough secrecy. Enough bias. Enough judges marking their own homework.
Read the full Guardian exposé:
https://t.co/EzaAydOLTt

The book for those who've lived it: The System Is The Weapon https://t.co/IiILdHVF3u

[Shadows of Control @shadows_control]

When we’re in survival mode, just trying to make it through each day, our focus narrows to dealing with the immediate next crisis.

We’re not thinking about patterns or the bigger picture because we’re too busy trying to stay safe, avoid conflict, or keep things from falling apart.

This is why many people can be experiencing domestic abuse without even realising it.

It’s often only after we’ve escaped the situation and had time to rest and reflect that everything becomes clear.

In that safer space, we can finally see the full picture of what we endured.

We start to understand that it wasn’t just a few bad moments, but a system of control. And we might wonder how we survived it at all.

#DomesticAbuseAwareness #HealingJourney

[Quiet Leverage @quietleveragex]

@Ryan_Daigler The cruelest part of that abuse is how it engineers its own invisibility...
the more sophisticated the harm, the less anyone believes it happened.

[Dr Karen Mitchell PhD @karenmitchell__]

It is difficult for people who have not been targeted by a narcissist, psychopath to understand the extraordinary level of cruelty and sadism they engage in. Think of the actions of a serial killer but without the visible weapon & with the harm inflicted over time to one person.

[Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩 @Ryan_Daigler]

THE SURVIVORS DILEMMA:
Mild or moderately bad behavior is believable because it fits within most people’s existing model of what humans are capable of. Extreme predation — relentless, morbidly consuming manipulation driven by pathological compulsion breaks that model entirely.
When a listener is forced to choose between accepting that a normal-looking person is actually a dangerous, obsessed monster, or dismissing the accusation, most people will protect their existing worldview. It’s cognitive self-defense. Accepting the truth requires accepting that the world is far more dangerous than they’ve allowed themselves to believe.

Every listener has an implicit upper limit on what they’ll accept as real. This is the credibility ceiling. Predators who operate above that ceiling are functionally immune to exposure through normal social channels — not because they’re careful, but because what they actually are, the extent of the evil and manipulation, is simply outside most people’s capacity to believe.

This is what creates the survivor’s dilemma: there is no viable path to being believed. Undersell the abuse to remain within the credibility ceiling and the extent of the threat and the danger of the predator remain hidden.
Tell the full truth and you’re pathologized as unstable, dishonest, etc.
The predator’s most extreme qualities become their best camouflage — and the survivor is trapped by the very truth that should set them free.

[Shadows of Control @shadows_control]

Abusers frequently start arguments to provoke conflict. They enjoy creating tension and keeping you on edge. 🚩