Coleman Engellenner

Purveyor of bad jokes, author of the ColemanMedia Report.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

@Gigamesh So glad to see you making music again!!

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Electing Jim Jordan as the Speaker of the House is like appointing Charles Manson as the President of SAG-AFTRA

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Dense fog advisory for Los Angeles today. Which means the fog will be even more vapid than usual.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Being young is not remembering breaking your toe, then realizing that alcohol was involved. Getting old is not remembering spraining/breaking your toe and having unflappable certainty that alcohol was NOT involved.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Can someone PLEASE stop holding Norfolk Southern's beer?

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Finally got some of the new @CafeDemitasse bags in the mail. Love the ditching of the plastic!

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Somebody just discovered ChatGPT... https://t.co/og3E1BX9Kr

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Email subject line from @LiveNation reads: “Gifting The Unforgettable This Valentine's Day with Nickelback…” Actually trying HARD to forget I ever saw that.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

For everyone following the hilarity in the House of Representatives, it’s important to point out that Hakeem Jeffries started out the season with an 11-game winning streak. Not bad for a guy with 0% chance to win.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Me: “We can do that next weekend. It’s a stationary store. It’s not going anywhere.”
Kaity: “Congratulations! That’s your first one of the year.”

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

@Bonobos just to prove this item is not on sale. Either your email marketing creatives aren’t aware of the sale vs. non-sale items or you are purposefully misleading customers.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

@Bonobos really tacky - and possibly illegal - to feature a shirt that is NOT on sale as the hero shot for your sale email. This is coming from a marketer. Really piss poor job on your part and you should honor the deepest sale discount - 70% - on this item as a make-good.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Once, just ONCE, I want to order an @ImpossibleFoods breakfast sandwich at @Starbucks and have the person at the register say: “Oh no, we can’t do that.”

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

News helicopter hovering over our backyard for the last 10 minutes. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see the breaking story about a local man trimming hedges and scrubbing his fountain.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

The Rest of the Northern Hemisphere: “It’s the Autumn Equinox! Time to break out those fall sweaters!”
Los Angeles: “Oh, great! I’ll turn up the heat.”

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Alex Trebeck: “‘I’ll help out as soon as I finish reading this AARP article.”

Me: “What is ‘Things I Never Thought I’d Hear My Wife Say While Still In Her 30’s.’”

Alex Trebeck: “That’s right!”

Me: “Let’s stick with ‘What The Hell Is Going On Here?” For $800, Alex.”

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

@AmericanAir Why in the 21st Century are you still flying planes with no video screens on cross-country flights? What did we do to deserve this? [opens up frequent flyer account on EVERY other airline]

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

@CafeDemitasse the Congo Mapendo is delightful as a pour over. #highfives all around. Macy gives it four paws.

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

Dick Cheney calling Trump a coward might be one of the best “shots fired” moment we’ve had this year. Trump’s gotta think about how he responds this time; Cheney’s already shot someone in the face, and all that guy did was get in the way…

[Coleman Engellenner @colemonkee]

There’s an 87.3% chance that my gravestone will say “Tripped lovingly over the dog.”