Brandon

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

Get in loser we’re going to set

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

Putting the “white” in white water rafting

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When you have Zero Personality Disorder but also need a picture for your Bumble profile

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When your crush finally asks if you have any plans after school

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

McGoo: they keep telling me not to worry, but it just seems like too much green and too few pizzas.
Pizza Hut: yeah, you're fired.

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When they catch you eating ketchup on your hot dog

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

Me: I might have one glass of wine with dinner tonight.

*3 bottles later*

Me: hold me upside down so I can make out with this wall

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

What dogs see when I first meet them

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When you meet a guy at a party and give him your number and he immediately sends you a dick pic

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

*watches Zoolander once*

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When it's June 2017 and someone says they still wouldn't have voted for Hillary.

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When you realize the longest most fulfilling relationship you've ever had has been with a stuffed animal

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When you look in the review mirror and get nervous because that vegan biker gang is still following you.

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

Me: I might have one glass of wine at dinner tonight.

*3 hours later*

Me: hold my shirt so I can make out with this wall.

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When the Price Is Right moves to PBS and loses its funding and has to replace its models and prizes with middle aged men and cups of water

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

When your kid is throwing a tantrum but you know you have two others so she can easily be replaced

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

Your relationship on Facebook vs your relationship in real life with an actual smurf

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

Fraternity date rapist starter pack

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

Me: let's grab a beer and watch the game tonight.

Roche: sorry, got plans later.

[Brandon @colfaxboyz88]

dog: what do you call a singing laptop?

me: what?

dog: a Dell.