Colleen Daisy Riley

Domestic diva, mother of many, comedian

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

This is what I remember from Latin class. Semper ubi sub ubi.

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@thistallawkgirl Only an insult if you have it shipped to a different address

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@maytelljokes I measure in cakes eaten. Same theory on a different calorie scale.

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@AsSeenOnTV where oh where is The Flowbee? We need it now more than ever!

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@thistallawkgirl @FarrisnFriends was ahead of its time! #standupforsnackcakes

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@thistallawkgirl If you are legit getting married and I’m finding out on twitter we are going to have words.

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

Getting ready to make boiled dinner because what’s better on quarantined St. Patrick’s Day than a house full of cabbage farts? #coronapocolypse #StPatricksDay2020

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

My kids think I’m very important. Apparently I choose when schools close, what take out places are open and how viruses are transmitted. #coronapocolypse

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@JessicaKirson Lucky you it’s corned beef and cabbage season. #cabbagefarts

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

When there’s an epidemic that requires emotional distancing I’m gonna ace it. #coronapocalypse #SocialDistancing

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@thistallawkgirl Do you pay these people to post this ridiculousness so you can show off your witty comebacks? This person can’t be real. Who can’t even spell their slurs?

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@petetroit @FarrisnFriends @petetroit you are hired as editor. If you could also feed them dinner while working on the paper that would be great.

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

I’m convinced my kids only ask what’s for dinner to they can prepare their complaints in advance.

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

I was well into my 20s before accepting that Rainbow Brite wasn’t a fashion icon #90sfashion #90s

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

Just went grocery shopping and it looks like I’m late to the panic party. #coronavirus

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

When people want to argue politics with me I just say “I vote for whoever my husband tells me to”. That usually ends the conversation. And often the relationship. #Debatenight #Election2020

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

@petetroit So supportive! Thanks for being one of my single digit followers @petetroit

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

I’ve started taking a clipboard everywhere because people just assume you’re the authority in any room. I just went shopping and gave three cashiers permission to go home early. #gooddeeds

[Colleen Daisy Riley @collmeriley]

My kind of mom