Colt Smith

I tell jokes and worry about climate change

[Nick @NickZararis]

Larry on line at security makes a joke "do you really need to search me, you think I'm gonna be the one who does it?" And ends up in Secret Service custody for the entirety of the game, asking each interrogator as they come into the room for an update on the score of the game

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Partick's parents failed him. Hunter Biden's didn't.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Things most Americans agree on:

Groceries cost too much.

Tariffs suck and make no sense.

Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.

The debt is a mess.

The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.

Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.

Americans are exhausted.

AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.

Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.

Canadians are super fucking cool.

Mexicans are chill.

Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.

Good neighbors are a blessing.

Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.

We all question, are we alone in the universe?

We all fuck up along the way.

Epstein didn’t hang himself.

The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.

The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!

Things we’re told to fight about:

Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.

That’s the joke.

[Hunter Biden 2028 Supporters @HunterFor2028]

We hit 2k followers LFG

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

So let me get this straight.

Jake Tapper is focused on attacking my Mom.

Jared and Ivanka are building a private island paradise on Albanian protected land.

Don Jr married the daughter of Epstein’s banker, and a startup his fund backs just got a record $620M Pentagon loan.

Eric is taking an Israeli drone company public for $1.5B in the middle of a war with Iran that nobody wanted.

And I know: “But what about your paintings, Hunter?”

Please.

[Denny Hamlin @dennyhamlin]

This app never gets old 😆🤣

[Aubrey Strobel @aubreystrobel]

he’s saying you can say clanker with the hard R

[physically imposing bald austin butler @meatprison2]

baby billy would NEVER pass up a bag

[Carson Hocevar Enthusiast @NotNolan44]

Introducing THE guy P23

(Don’t mind me screaming)

[greg @greg16676935420]

The European mind can’t comprehend this

[Denny Hamlin @dennyhamlin]

Aint nothing wrong with silver Cal.

[Stephen Hopkins @phil_lol_ogist]

The Cohen brothers are ruining Homer's legacy. Odysseus never records a hit song. This is an assault on western culture. I am very smart.

[Paul Anleitner @PaulAnleitner]

People forget how The Mandalorian started with Werner Herzog.

Yes, it was a fun space western.

But there was a real philosophical struggle being explored too.

This speech should have been the core of the sequel stories.

Rebellion is easy. Can you build something better?

[emily north @north0fnorth]

being born and raised in cook county gives you an automatic giant aura boost

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Thank you I will adjust accordingly

[Miilato @miiilato]

getting a new pair of shoes as an adult and not a single person asks how fast you can run in them

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

She belongs in a nursing home full of confedrate flags.