Brian Thomas

When you're as big as I am, you save a lot of money on condoms.

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Come on out tomorrow night! All veteran lineup @ @VUbrew!

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Big show this Saturday at Veterans United Craft Brewery... It's our 7th anniversary! @VUbrew

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

This Saturday at @VUbrew! Be there!

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Currently having a bad hair life.

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Finally started a TikTok page so the Chinese can track my movements... around my parents house...
https://t.co/CxazOKgApj

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Did I leave the closet door slightly open, or is there someone in there?

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/t5ykylpQB9

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

If you're going to Pensacola and need a place to stay...
https://t.co/OC1COd5mAg)

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

There's a noticeably different crowd walking around St Augustine right now... then I drive by the amphitheater, and see A Day to Remember and Papa Roach are playing...

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Does anyone else think the 'asking for a friend' joke has run it's course? Asking for a friend...

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

I'll be at the Comedy Zone Jax tonight @ 7:30. Let me know if you want to go (by 3pm) so I can get you in for free!

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Just opened for @ChrisKattan in Port Charlotte FL. Very cool guy, you should check him out... and me, maybe. More shows Fri and Sat.

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

These guys are consistant! If they labeled them, and put some beans around the mocha, I would've… https://t.co/E87gQmAstg

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Two big shows this week!
If you live in Jacksonville, this Thursday I'll be at the Comedy Zone with a showcase of... https://t.co/3WQqujkFdj

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Performing at the Comedy Zone Jacksonville tonight. Last minute notice, I know, but let me know by 5pm and I'll... https://t.co/NtxGt4KPd6

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

I posted a new photo to Facebook https://t.co/nncFKsqtPf

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

This Saturday, July 15th, another hilarious night of comedy at Ancient City Brewing! Featuring some of the best... https://t.co/m26VFkbL49

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

The worst parts of life create the best parts of Comedy.

[Brian Thomas @comedianbrian]

Ultimate form of narcissism... masturbating to a video of yourself masturbating...