Funny Tweets!

Funny tweets, jokes, and quotes that you can relate to in your everyday life.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

Me: Breathes. Mom: I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ATTITUDE

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

I'm having a really hard time getting over you. The worst part is, I never even dated you.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

White parent: *Knock knock* "May I come in?" Black parent: *Boom boom* "Open up this damn door! You don't pay no bills to be locking shit."

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

21st century: Where deleting history is more important than making it.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

If you don't know shit, don't say shit.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

I'd rather carry 10 grocery bags in each hand than make two trips...

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

[H]aving [A]nger [T]owards [E]veryone [R]eaching [S]uccess

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

"Can you write in the dark?" Dad: "I think so, why?" Me: "I need you to sign my report card."

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

I hate when I'm texting with someone and then the conversation gets boring and I don't how to end it.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

I need a six month holiday, twice a year.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

At the store buying 20 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and said, “Make it 22”

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

I hate pretending to like people who are pretending to like me.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

Disney Channel should just stop making new shows and replay all the old ones.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

Patrick: “What does claustrophobic mean?” Spongebob: “I think it means he’s afraid of Santa Claus

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

Not a single fuck shall be given today.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

3 reasons why I curse? 1.) Because I fucking want to. 2.) Because I fucking can. 3.) Because I don't give a fuck.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

#TenWorstFeelings Hitting your little toe on a corner

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Fuck It.

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

I can't live without y̶o̶u̶. FOOD

[Funny Tweets! @comedyfuntime]

Never play scrabble with Lil Wayne. He makes up too many words.