Philly Cheese

Hello. You might not recognize me from that time we didn't meet. I stubbornly refuse to do that thing you keep asking me to do. I don't like you. Get me a beer.

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Just bail. You were born after 1990, the internet ruined you, you can handle literally zero adversity. Good try. #IfItDoesntWorkThe1stTime

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Don't count your chickens before they're nuggets #WednesdayWisdom

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Not Tweeting for months then not really knowing what to say #StrangeAutumnActivities

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

When Marilyn Met Manson #HeavyMetalMovies

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

System of a Black Hawk Down
#HeavyMetalMovies

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Zach GalifianaKISS
#ClassicRockComedians

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Missing your snap story
#ThingsIWontApologizeFor

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Bad Musician
#RejectedPunkBandNames

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

#ICantRespectAnyoneWho voted for Donald Trump on the Voice

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

The important thing is that he had a really good time up there.
#TrumpPresser

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Harry Potter and the Half-Naked Prince
#OneWordOffBooks

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

That 69 Show #ReduceATVShow

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

No cell service or wifi #AnxietyIn5Words

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Making A Shoplifter #ReduceATVShow

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

The Civil War was all about giving black people the right to go back to Mexico with the other Indians
#RickyBobbyAltHistory

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Gone in 30 Seconds #MakeAFilmFeelRushed

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

Great Walls of Fire
#ArtificialIntelligenceSongs

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

An economically crippling minimum wage
#ThingsThatComeFromCali

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

3 drink minimum
#RulesForWomensMarch

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

#TVHasTaughtMe to aim for the stars and be ok with landing on TMZ

[Philly Cheese @comedysceneidea]

All of it, everything. Especially new music. Wtf happened to instruments? Also I thought people weren't racist anymore? #IFindItShocking