Stephanie Morris

33. Mom who has lots of jokes but my kids don’t listen.

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

No one:

Me: EVERY MALE COMIC HAS A PODCAST🗣🗣🗣

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

My biggest flex is that I actually use college degree.

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

Can’t wait for my Mother’s Day questionnaires the schools have kids fill out as a gift. On the edge of my seat to find out if my kids think I’m a skinny legend or a beached whale🙃

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

@annadrezen I’m a funeral director! Let’s chat🪦

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

Devasting news: my 7 yr old daughter doesn’t want an American Girl doll for Xmas. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO HEAL MY CHILDHOOD TRUAMA IF SHE WONT LET ME BUY HER A SAMANTHA DOLL?!?!?!?

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

@KariLake Yep, and that’s why we didn’t vote for you.

[Al Yankovic @alyankovic]

Oh no, they suspended @danielradcliffe's Twitter account! Wasn't it obvious he was doing a PARODY???

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

Thank you @alyankovic 🪗my son Lewy has been a fan for years. Even dressing as weird al for Halloween and tonight we got to make a memory he will never forget

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

I don’t been therapy, I need to fight the lady who was waxing my eyebrows when I was 14 and asked “upper lip too?”

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

She’s a 10 but she thinks Epstein killed himself.

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

The vicious cycle of having to to paid stand up gigs so you can afford therapy for the trauma you joke about in your stand up

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

Men will literally back into a parking space instead of just going to therapy

[The Hooburrito, a burrito by Hoobastank @sug_knight]

🚨 🚨 Keith Morrison in skinny jeans and converse 🚨 🚨

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

When you text your man to tell him you won’t make cuz you are sick does he call you to check in right away?

Cuz my therapist does💅🏼

[Ted DiNola 🔜 Game Invest East @esdin]

Regulatory Bodies: “ADHD medication is highly addictive”

ADHD Folks: “Wait… did I take my pills?"

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

@jennabohenna Being funny is literally my only gift I have. When I heard this I was like “absolutely not”

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

Hey @tedcruz you could learn a thing or two from Will Smith

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

I texted with my therapist for this first time, and good news you guys, he has an iPhone.

[Stephanie Morris @comedystephanie]

The only thing I need to know about you is if your parents are still married.