One of the hardest parts of growth is accepting that the life you want may require skills your current self hasn't developed yet. You may need to become more patient, more capable, more financially responsible, or more willing to face discomfort. Don't treat the distance between who you are and who you want to become as proof that you can't get there.
If you know you messed up, just apologize. All that manipulative behavior and getting mad, deflecting, turning the situation around on the person you hurt, and acting like they're wrong for being upset is weird.
People love to say they're grown until it's time to take accountability for their actions.