ζΘΠΠØΓ

80% yogurt, 20% Tony Soprano

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

I never understood shows like Househunters. How does this couple have a 900k budget when one of them is a freelance puppeteer and the other makes latte art for Instagram? Who cares about counter space... there’s bigger questions to be answered

[Sonia Litwin @litwin_sonia]

It feels illegal to have access to these 20 websites:

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

@n1ckcage So anyway I start blastin

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

“Happy two years to stop the spread.”

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

@n1ckcage I like this but I don’t support it

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

@BiancsMJ I got the fast acting, I was back to normal in 12 hours.

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

In the airport: “The CDC recommends maintaining 6ft of social distance.”
On the plane: “Okay now put your face within a foot of the person next to you.”

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

If 2021 was a @Wayfair ad:

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

I’m about one bad day away from getting a throat tattoo

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

Sometimes I leave my fork on my plate when I put it in the microwave just to spice things up a bit

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

“Are ducks bird?”

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

@n1ckcage Never

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

@BiancsMJ @n1ckcage @n1ckcage just use my login

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

Airlines in 5 years: Tired of no leg room? We’re happy to announce our new vertical coffin style seating. Enjoy the same pleasures of overpriced tickets, constant delays, and being forced to check your carry on bag all while inside your own private fart bubble

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

Good morning

Twitter:

[Nick @n1ckcage]

they tried to bury me but they aint no i was a seed

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

Does daylight savings have a Twitter account? Trying to do a deep dive to hopefully find some dirt and get that shit canceled.

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

@SteveSicard03 Same. Ahoy 🛥

[ζΘΠΠØΓ @condormissedit]

What kind of simulation are we in where a live-aboard yacht is cheaper than a house with the same number of bedrooms and bathrooms?

[pizza thief @TheDongSide]

RIP Trevor Moore.

Here’s one of the best things to ever air on television thanks to him.