ConfuseUs

One liner
please follow 🙏🏽 🙂

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign

"If I catch you, you're mine."

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

The farmer goes to town one day and happens to run into his old pal the tractor salesman."How's business?" asks the farmer. "Not very good, I haven't sold a tractor in months, How are things on the farm?" asked the salesman."Well-- The other day I went out to the barn to milk that old cow I have. I started milking and she swatted me with her tail, so I tied her tail to the ceiling. I started milking again and she kicked me with her left leg so I tied that to the left side of the stall. I started milking again and she kicked me with her right leg so I tied that one to the right side of the stall. About that time my wife walked in the barn, and if you can convince her that I was just trying to milk that damn cow,I'll buy a tractor from you!!"

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called intothe personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" thedirector asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had fiveyears experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've everheld." "Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said youwanted somebody with imagination."

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school?

Pupil: I don't know

Teacher: Correct!

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?

Joe: I won it in a race.

Bill: How many people participated in it?

Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

Blonde Painting

One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door

bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???"

The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find

all the stuff in the garage."

The girl says, "O.K., How much will you pay me?"

The man says, "How much does fifty bucks sound?"

The blonde quickly agrees and get straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says,

"50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!"

25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, "O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?" Surprised the man replies, "O.K. Let me get the money"

He comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, "By the way, it's a Ferrari, not a Porch!"

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign

"If I catch you, you're mine."

🤣🤣🤣

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@Nomywzm Where do I start?

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

"Hope my secret is safe with you?"

E easy to keep naim you dey tell me?

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@Available_boy1 Did the owner keep it?

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@toosoft221 Don't leave me behind

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@sunfyre_vtu Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@Cobratate Okay

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@saydatttttttttt Now you have to tag me to show you're talking to me directly

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@toosoft221 IFB immediately
Try me

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@celebritytailol Real

[ConfuseUs @confiuseus]

@Blaqlennox Real asf