Conner Farmer

If I had to chose between people loving me or fearing me, I would want people to fear me because of how much I love them.-Michael Scott

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Eating a pound and a half of spaghetti with two butter knives as chop sticks because I can't find a fork

[Kaye @MissKayeSavanah]

Like, I honestly feel bad for people who aren't as in love with each other as me & my bf, because you shouldn't ever settle.

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

@MissKayeSavanah you did not 😂

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

@MissKayeSavanah IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET 😂....but maybe

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Why was there not a curfew set? Be the first to draw the line. Don't wait for them to stomp all over you

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Well...I've accomplished absolutely nothing today...so I guess I'll tweet all about it

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Can't even think straight it's so strong

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Whoever bathed in Pall Mall cigarette butts this morning and walked into this classroom is about to get their fingers broke with a hammer

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Mom says we are going to get her 94 saburban canonized because it reached 360000 miles last week and was misfiring but it fixed its self

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Am I officially a transmission mechanic?

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Ontario wow smh

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Every now and then I get a wiff of Fort Niagara on Lake Erie at 4th of July. It's like gun powder mixed with algae and America. I miss it

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

[soldier dying in my arms]
Soldier: tell my wife I love her
*several months later*
Me [to his wife]: fuck, what did he say. Was months ago

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Marco...polo...marco...polo...marco polo marco polo MARCO POLO MARCO I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!!

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

@MissKayeSavanah 😐

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

It's just the only song I have on my phone

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Every morning I wake up to the song Low Life by Kid Rock. Not because it inspires me to be more than a low life everyday or something.

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

Sometimes I find myself eating a salad only because I want this Olive Garden Italian dressing to last longer...otherwise I'd jug it

[Conner Farmer @conner_farmer]

And the thing is, usually only your dude friend can decipher just exactly which dude you meant when you said dude