connie wilsterman

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

@MaryLTrump He should be arrested for installing that carpet

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Last night, at a moron reveal party,
I learned that a friend of mine
isn’t going to get vaccinated

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

@ErinRS You can do no wrong ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

I just heard someone say, “Retro is coming back.”

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

I’ve invented something called Reacting To My Own Texts. My daughter Greta really loved it, and so today I’m launching the idea to a broader audience.

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Making this recipe again on Sunday!

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Easter has always scared me. As a child, I was happy that Jesus rose from the dead, but I also worried that other dead people might learn how to do it. Back then, lots of kids were afraid of the Easter Rabbit, which is why they changed its name to “The Easter Bunny” in the 1970’s

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

On Easter Sunday, everyone eats spiral ham because it’s funny, which lifts people’s spirits. Lifting spirits is a cheerful take on rising from the dead.

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

How to get off the phone with a narcissist:

Don’t say, “I gotta go now.” This implies that you have something better to do. Expect a backlash.

Instead say, “I guess I’ll hop off now.” This way, you’re a weak guesser/hopper and no one cares what you do next.

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Just opening a new book oh no

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

“Walkie-talkie” is a term that gets more and more humiliating as you stare at it, especially the “walkie” part

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Everybody has a favorite adhesive but no one has the balls to talk about it

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Hand model inadvertently embodies spread of Covid-19 to Greenland

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

“You don’t say” is an expression you can use to make talkers feel interesting

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Product idea for MAGA terrorists - Selfie Pepper Spray

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

When I hear that we’re getting a wintry mix, I get happy cravings for road salt on Chex Mix and margarita glasses

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

“Six times four equals 24. Seems low”- MW

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

Just heard my husband on the phone say, “Yeah, I’m married up to my ears.”

[connie wilsterman @conniewman]

My 90 y/o dad is awesome except he undoes my French Tuck every time I walk by his recliner :(