Dead Pan Nick

24/7/365 Observer. Frequent participant. Occasional make-happener. Clouds.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

The only vampire who matters to me lives on Sesame Street. The rest don't count.

[Jonathan Nash @offshoot3D]

@nexta_tv The child made a quick movement towards his waistband. The robot was justified in neutralizing the threat.

[MJ @morganisawizard]

the best way to describe Boulder is like if a cyclist somehow became a city

[☣︎ @BigMo_tion]

The horse in the back is like "OMG MICHAEL JACKSON????"

[No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen @NoLieWithBTC]

Scott Pelley issues new statement after being fired by CBS for opposing their pro-MAGA bias:

“New management has instructed me to inject falsehoods and bias into a politically sensitive story. I’ve been told to include assertions that are unverified. To date, in every case, I have managed to ignore these instructions or refuse them.

Recently, politicians have been invited to choose correspondents for interviews on the broadcast. Giving politicians control over 60 Minutes interviews is not how this is done.

Finally, incompetence and unprofessionalism in the new management have wreaked havoc. In a case involving one of my stories, the entire program came within 19 minutes of not getting on the air at all.”

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@AdamSchefter AKA his Jaylen Waddle acquisition bonus

[Aurora Police Dept @AuroraPD]

Anything can change in an instant.➡️

Yesterday’s hail storm and flash flooding created some dangerous conditions across our city.

For one woman, a routine drive to work quickly turned into an emergency when she unknowingly drove into floodwaters near 6th and Sable.

Thankfully we were nearby, ready to help.

Officers safely rescued the driver, ensured she was unharmed, and even gave her a ride home.

Moments like these are a reminder that floodwaters can be unpredictable and dangerous. If you encounter water covering a roadway, turn around and find an alternate route.

Aurora, we're here for you when the unexpected happens. Keeping our community safe is and always will be our top priority.

[Media Description: Officers walking through flash flood waters to carry woman out of her flooded vehicle.]

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@RenoTahoeDuck I had to scroll way too far to find this. It's the only correct answer.

[greg @greg16676935420]

I bet the other 24 letters are pissed

[Kody Wilson @kodythewxguy]

Downtown Denver video courtesy of Ryan Flanders

[Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @NYCMayor]

Today, I signed an Executive Order temporarily repealing bedtimes in the City of New York so that kids of all ages can watch our team in the NBA Finals.

As Mayor, you’re forced to make many difficult decisions. This was not one of them.

Go Knicks.

[barrel rolls @barrel_rolls]

put yourself in my crocs your honor

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Eff the haters

[Eric Alper 🎧 @ThatEricAlper]

What's a song with a harmonica part so good you can't imagine the track without it?

[Eric Alper 🎧 @ThatEricAlper]

What's a song with a harmonica part so good you can't imagine the track without it?

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@ThatEricAlper Not even joking. Such a banger. One riff all the way thru on repeat.

[Vic Vela @VicVela1]

BREAKING: Renowned opera singer Enrico Palazzo has pulled out of the Great American State Fair.

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

I WAS BORN IN 1974 FUCKSTICKS STOP CALLING ME BOOMER

[The San Andreas Fault @sanandreafault]

Hi, it's me, I'm the reason

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

@CameronParkerPO The app is too young for Dave Studdard but he really was one of the keys to Elway's early successes.

[Charles J. Moore @charles270]

Mike Tirico

[Melissa (M²) @ToolGirl18]

I'm telling. Good morning. Shaking off the bad juju today.