Tim Dwan

make $150,000/ as an actuarial analyst. straight As across the board /SUPER BOWL BABY: GB PACKERS/ CONNECT 4 ENTHUSIAST/ what games should I get for my

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

niggas wanna be me but they ain't me

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Got hacked, my dad just hit me

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Did some drugs my dad's hitting me

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

I don't recycle, I suck Cock

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

@michaelwildGB Real shit.

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

First poop of da biden presidency

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

I Smoke Pot but I Don't Inhale

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Aliens: You. And what army?

Me: We got London on the Track

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

My roommate just walked in on me watching Joe Rogan, so I quickly had to switch to the tentacle porn tab before he saw.

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

CNN is ISIS

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

There was this one bar and they had a rule where "single mothers with tattoos eat free"

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Okay I'll bite, who is this "Mr. Sosa" and why does Chieftain Keifer implore me to love him???

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Why is this girl with pierced nipples promoting this Jesus clothing brand

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

I don't watch porn becuase I'm scared I might be Gay for looking at any naked guys

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

We got London on the track

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

HOW I EAT DA COOCHIE

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

My junk is like a monster truck. Normal sized cab but boy oh boy down below, the wheels are humongous and oversized

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Girl caught me on my phone during the movie. I straight up told her I was cheating.

Ain't no way I'm gonna let her know I still play Clash Royale 🤣

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

"It stinks in here cause I'm the shit!" -Kid Rock

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Known as the big tipper with the big dipper🤞

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

When I got a root canal at the dentist, I got Novocain, Nitrous, Jolly Ranchers, and a Handy.

Idk what dentist you going to but you going to the wrong dentist

[Tim Dwan @cookingtuts]

Lil Nasty Ex