big shrimpin 𓆟

jimmy buffett world domination

[dogpoasting @evilsockz]

bruh my coworker just handed me a note and said “can you give this to our manager” and I opened it and it says “gas leak”

[Brooke from Let’s Not Date @TheLetsNotDate]

Every family celebrates Father’s Day differently. I celebrate by convincing men the woman that they just sent unsolicited penile photography to is their daughter.

[big shrimpin 𓆟 @cookinnothing]

@lieumle @butchbatnix idk why everyones being so unnecessarily mean to you in these replies girl im so sorry 😭😭 u seem so nice u dont deserve this

[paige @BonerWizard]

3yo does this thing now when we’re leaving a playground etc where he acts willing to leave, but then starts walking backwards with eyes wide, saying “it’s pulling me back! It’s pulling me back!” Great bit. Didn’t know he was capable of bits yet.

[pavlo @LaughterHaver]

Now he’s making a list
And he’s checking it twice
And he’s gonna find out
If I’m naughty or nice
Now I’m going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But he’s coming to
Town now

[She hopf on my fibration @girlbossmoder]

this has been rattling around in my brain today

[max 🌸 @yunghelios]

“Online” class I’ve been taking is actually a hybrid class and I’ve missed every meeting

[❥ hazel ︻デ═一 @BluebriarArts]

I am completely hypnotized by the cadence he says "im such a fat fucking chud" with.
lord please do not let me develop this as a vocal stim

[zombie girl @godscuntry]

old picture

[𝒔ᥫ᭡ @neziiha]

sometimes you gotta read ur moms text and just go on about ur day

[CC009🇺🇦comms open! @cookiecat009]

what a decent girl