coolranch dorito

dollar store cereal goblin

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

have you ever edged for a muffin

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Bruno mars: stop, wait a minute. Feel my butt, put a finger in it

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

I can’t make the banana reverse direction I can’t make the square reverse direction I can’t even make the ballerina reverse direction

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

The only way to stay cool in this Texas heat is to be constantly shitting

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

I’m in the rainforest cafe parking lot playing Face Off with my windows down

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Finally relapsed after 4 weeks sober and forgot how good it feels to gamble a kidney stone every time I piss

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

I be at the urinal on my tippy toes

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

@burgeoisiee @cuntnuke No parking sign adds to it

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

@chairmanzhao What’s the guy in the back doing

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Problematic sea level relationship gap

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

I moan when I wipe my buttcheeks and if you have a problem with that you need to work at a different Wendy’s

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

@guizhouuuu Real as fuck

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Stop taking magnesium I had a dream I was getting my pussy ate

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

One minute of doing my job is equivalent to 30 seconds in the real world

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Finally figured out a way to swallow that doesn’t hurt

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Say ‘I love you’ all you want but if your bathroom schedules arent synced then idk what to tell you

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

@kingpminch Roggenrolla 😃

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Guy in the stall next to me is watching movie trailers

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

floridian turned me down

[coolranch dorito @coolramchdorito]

Yea nice try buddy but I’m already using this stall. Yeah why don’t you go ahead and jiggle the handle one more time, just to be sure. Oh what’s that? You’re leaving? Not gonna try the empty stall next to me? That’s what I thought kid. Get the fuck outta my bathroom