Mike

Stories and hot takes on dating from a 20-I-mean-30-something dude in San Francisco

[Mike @CootiesReport]

@thewatchpod For Amazon's search for the next GoT-like show, how about an adaptation of "The Eight"? #TheWatchMailBag

[Mike @CootiesReport]

My X-Man power is that in some bathrooms, I can wave my hand in front of the paper towel dispenser, and paper towels will come out. #gifted

[Mike @CootiesReport]

And I have a huge crush on Jackie Sharp. And the reason (as Remy points out) is her (kinda raspy!) voice!! https://t.co/cFZf9QFFVe

[stella j. @writingsolo]

Starting House of Cards Season 5. Just remembered I have a huge crush on Doug Stamper. Something about that raspy voice...

[Mike @CootiesReport]

@HingeApp your app won't open and there's a babe waiting for me to respond. If you care about me living happily ever after you'll fix this

[Mike @CootiesReport]

Me: *Meets a new group of people*
Someone, inevitably, 100% of the time, thinking this is a funny joke: "there's gonna be a quiz later"

[Mike @CootiesReport]

Related: Should we just split into like 6 countries? https://t.co/6MpyXSpzEm

[Mike @CootiesReport]

A few surprises, and interesting throughout. Related: I'm glad I live on the West Coast. https://t.co/ovh24vWpiw

[Mike @CootiesReport]

A few surprises, and interesting throughout. Related: I'm glad I live on the West Coast. https://t.co/ovh24vWpiw

[Mike @CootiesReport]

👉🏼👌🏼 https://t.co/Hjr1BjJcX6

[stella j. @writingsolo]

How do you help out guy friends when they're bummed over a breakup?

[Mike @CootiesReport]

I love how most of @writingsolo 's use of emojis revolve around banging https://t.co/equELMLMLs

[Mike @CootiesReport]

Worst part of Trump era is that investigative journalism is too tied up to dig up the conspiracy #Oscars publicity stunt that just happened

[Mike @CootiesReport]

You know how when a girl has a hot date, she'll wear extra cute/sexy underwear? Should men be doing that? What does that even entail?

[Mike @CootiesReport]

@jonlovett idea for peeps asking Q's at town halls: Preface question with "I'm not a paid protester and I'll release tax returns to prove it

[Mike @CootiesReport]

@TVietor08 idea for peeps asking Q's at town halls: Preface question with "I'm not a paid protester and I'll release tax returns to prove it

[Mike @CootiesReport]

Valentine's Day tip for women: You still get to keep the flowers your dude sent you, even if you don't post a pic of them on Facebook!

[Mike @CootiesReport]

Ice-breaker in the new Trump White House: "Two Facts and an Alternative Fact"

[Mike @CootiesReport]

1989 earthquake in SF. Mom + Bro were at WS game. I was finishing a kindergarten art project at home with Dad. It was like a ride! https://t.co/3LznkNH4Aq

[Mike @CootiesReport]

@writingsolo @Medium @WritingCoop #humblebrag ;)

[Mike @CootiesReport]

J.Lo was a top 5 "It" girl for at least 5 years, when he was at an age where getting with an "It" girl was utterly unfathomable. Get it boy! https://t.co/jxm8tw1Het

[stella j. @writingsolo]

J.Lo is 47. Drake is 30. Hellll yesssss, get it girl. https://t.co/AJSmzISLKg

[Mike @CootiesReport]

@CootiesReport He reminds me of the girl who claims she is "just so over it" while at the same time sobbing about that very same "it".

[Mike @CootiesReport]

For someone who wants people to move on, he sure does spend a lot of time not moving on. https://t.co/BljHRRJPae

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

I have not heard any of the pundits or commentators discussing the fact that I spent FAR LESS MONEY on the win than Hillary on the loss!