chris

Can't talk, it's boys night out.

[chris @corlando43]

I respect the hell out of the boy in Parent Trap who accidentally gets sent to all girls summer camp. It was a shitty situation where he could have easily been all about getting pussy, but instead he made lasting friendships. Way to go man!

[chris @corlando43]

@seanmc4PF I thought you were banned from Twitter

[chris @corlando43]

That time of night where I think back to high school and purposely misremember my relationship with Taylor Roberts to be Call Me By Your Name. We all do that right?

[chris @corlando43]

I read that masturbation causes white blood cell count to increase, which should also mean sex would achieve the same thing right? Wrong! Based on what I’m telling myself, apparently white blood cells just don’t work that way (thank god) #StayHome

[chris @corlando43]

In this tweet I have a girlfriend. She wants to watch the movie Valentines Day but I don’t. We compromise by fast forwarding to only the Taylor Swift parts but it turns out that I love the Taylor Swift parts so much we end up watching the entire thing. Good movie choice by the gf

[chris @corlando43]

I feel so stupid for thinking that my credit card reward miles would be redeemable for a trip equal to that distance. I was all set to buy 10 round trip tickets to LA. Or maybe just a single one way ticket to the moon. Either way super disappointing.

[chris @corlando43]

Why tf does my city have fire trucks escort Santa around for Christmas time? You hear the sirens thinking there’s a serious fire, and it’s really just Santa throwing out candy. How do we know if there’s actually a fire now u dick #cancelSanta

[chris @corlando43]

Me posting a comment on a porn video for the 1st time: Awww you guys 🥰

[chris @corlando43]

If you are a pretty girl who is also dating someone, you’re single to me. What are they gonna do, come to my house and teach me how this meme works/inform me its not popular anymore?

[chris @corlando43]

Give a man a fish and he’ll be fed for a day, but give a fish a man and he’ll have a friend for life <3

[chris @corlando43]

The holiday season is almost upon us, what are you doing to prepare for not mispronouncing the word “hors d’oeuvres” in front of your entire family again this year?

[chris @corlando43]

I woke my parents up last night laughing out loud at a funny part in Monsters Inc. It was 2 am and I even stayed up after to watch the next one where they go to college. That one was honestly even funnier, but I had to hold back the laughs at that point #smh

[chris @corlando43]

There are skateboarders that are like “let’s do some spinny loops off the ramp” and then others that are all “let’s kiss each other, we don’t even know how to skateboard”

no in between

[chris @corlando43]

Can we all cancel metal core Monday today? Completely unrelated to the fact that @iamChadMaier beat me in fantasy football this weekend

[chris @corlando43]

@morninggloria @patmeister98 cars 3

[Dan White @atdanwhite]

🌹 Cooking dinner for our anniversary🌹

[Chad Maier @iamChadMaier]

The following intersections on Route 110 are getting signal rebuilds:
- At Spagnoli Road
- At Duryea Road
- At West Hills Road
- At Pulaski

Another Traffic Signal is being installed at Walt Whitman Road and Overhill Road as well

[chris @corlando43]

@Jaspers_Track @GoJaspers Ayyyyyyy!!! Congrats @sean_mirando :)

[chris @corlando43]

@seanmc617 Don’t be sleeping on Mahomes like that

[chris @corlando43]

@seanmc617 @iamChadMaier had the Texans winning that game

[chris @corlando43]

@iamChadMaier @espn get this man a job! Top notch sports analysis and commentary, he deserves at least a routine guest appearance on First Take