Cornlawyer

I’m a lawyer and Kim Kardashian isn’t (yet)

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

My Amazon Echo just randomly lit up and said “It’s nice to feel wanted” then shut off and I’ve never related to an inanimate object more.

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@schizesq @LissaJoStewart As a former HOA attorney I disagree only bc I could've used some sane, competent people in those meetings instead of micromanaging boomers 😂

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire Me about Red Bull rn

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

My household

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@SodaStreamMagic As god intended

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire Due date groups really make me feel liked a good mom bc like I feel bad when I run the trash out to the side of the house and leave the kid inside lol

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

I am officially "If one more person asks me when I'm due, I'm going to become homicidal" weeks pregnant

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

Me af until I remember I am very pregnant and suffering because of it

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire The BEST news!!!!

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire Are you insane and read every report in your patient portal after? Bc I do and knew I'd never be able to not find out because of that lol

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

If anyone wants to know how pregnant I am, the answer is that when I get kicked I can see the outline of her foot on my stomach so... about that far along.

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

My toddler just licked me and said "Yucky!" Happy Mother's Day.

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@VivaldiVril Oh in case you're very stupid the mom is mad because physically assaulting another person, let alone a literal child, is bad!

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire The happiness this brings me is unreal!!!! Congrats!!! Crossing my fingers HG stays away!

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@schizesq That should be a bar violation I swear

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@RileeDHarrison Clearly you're being hired as CEO of Olive Garden but nice try on the surprise

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire These are the ones we have. Very basic.

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire Yes! We got a simple pack of flash cards at Target and threw them in the diaper bag to use whenever we were waiting for food at a restaurant, waiting for a doctors appointment, etc. and then sometimes pull them out at home. She LOVES them and learned most in no time.

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@deestiv Not as good as standard ones but helpful on the go. I used to have a one hour commute and it used the Elvie Stride while driving. A super tight bra is helpful to keep the cups in place so not comfy but if your boobs don't fit in the little divot idk how else to keep it in place

[Cornlawyer @cornlawyer]

@lyssquire Tbh my luggage strategy has always been to go into TJ Maxx or Marshall's and find something there. Usually you can get a set for like $120. I've had my last set since fall 2017, the one before that for like 5 years or so.