CorporateLyfe

#CorporateLyfe made for entertaining myself in my new corporate gig. On my phone, of course, since social media is blocked. BLOCKED.

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

When @NPR interviews you for a story but doesn't plug your twitter handle that started it all. Come on y'all! (But also great reporting.) ❤️

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Update on the 74yo coworker: She's just watching @FoxNews "talking drone trying to lure kids away from playgrounds" #corporatelife

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Racist musings from the 74yo coworker: "If I wanted to go to Mexico, I'd just go to the nurses station at the hospital!" #shevotedtrump

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

@JournalistsLike getting married to my best source. Guess I did journalism wrong?

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

74yo anti-integration coworker ranted about the confederate statues and finished with "THEY SHOULD REMOVE THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL TOO THEN."

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Woke up early today bc I'm so excited it's #Friday. And I gotta get in early to do all the work I procrastinated on since Mon #corporatelife

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Got rejected from a dating profile writing job. Guess the opening line "Pooping at work. Thoughts?" didn't go over well. #vitalinformation

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Already planning an OJ-themed party for October #theJuiceIsLoose. How far is too far?

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

I bet Diana feels like an even bigger asshole now. Well wishes #JohnMcCain. https://t.co/P9BCJ0iCh9

[𝚔𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚗 @KevINthe406]

@DianaOrrock Will you be an adult & #TakeResponsibilty for endorsing the death of war hero @SenJohnMcCain, Diana?

@GOP @NVGOP

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

But I can't stop watching #NKOTBTODAY and now @PaulaAbdul?? An 80s reunion even I'm too young to really remember.

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

I think I'd be embarrassed if I were a grown ass NKOTB. Especially the one who took off his jacket, revealing he shaves his pits @TODAYshow

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

When you want to say "suck a dick!" but settle for "thanks!" instead. #officelife

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

I've reached the age where I think it's profoundly rude when someone asks how old I am. Unrelated, I hate everyone in their 20s. #officelife

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Today on my way home I saw a @Toyota #prius speeding. This one's for you, hybrid haters.

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Working out at the country club means pausing my @RidePeloton workout to tweet about this old guy's continuos wet farts.

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Yet another appearance of a short, black, coarse hair on a conference room table. #pubebandit strikes again. #officelife #youngprofessionals

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

You guys. The @washingtonpost lifted their paywall until Saturday! Stop working and go read all the news! #officelife #partylikeajournalist

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

Office cappuccino machine is not working. The hipsters are losing their shit. So am I. This is the closest I've been to a riot. #officelife

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

When you're in a meeting and there's a suspicious black, coarse, curly hair. Who's bangin on the conference room tables y'all? #officelife

[CorporateLyfe @corp_survival]

New Year's Eve. Time to deploy all the good luck superstitions. It's annual clean the fuck out of the house day. #nye2016